FanPost

Jacques fricken Cloutier

I'm moving over this comment from the Calgary gameday thred at http://www.milehighhockey.com/story/...

Joe commented that Budaj would outlast the current coaching staff.  I issued the rebuttle in this post.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Jacque fricken Cloutier.

It's just part of my ongoing series of theories regarding the greatest team in hockey.  

I'm buying everything you're selling here.  I like Budaj.

However, you went off the deep end when you say "And I have no doubt he'll outlast the coaching staff".  You sir, are lucky to still be breathing after such a comment.  Have you no concept of the danger you're in.  Jacques Cloutier can destroy you with little provication.

Look, there's only two individuals that have survived since 1996.  One is a hall of famer called Sakic and the other is 5' 7" destroyer of man, Jacques Cloutier.  Seriously, this.... thing has survived three different coaching changes.  He's the Petr Franek (Franek infamously was "Avalanche Property" for 15+ years and tossed in to every expansion draft of the late 90s and early 2000s) of the Colorado Avalanche.  He will never, ever stop.  There can be little doubt at this point that he's not even human.  In fact, when Granato is whispering in to his wrist he's not talking to the video guys, he's giving the doomsday machine called Cloutier commands to act human.

I heard that during the closed interviews between Hartley, Granato and Quenneville that the only people present were Pierre Lacroix and Cloutier.  When any mention of their own defensive coaching staff came up, Pierre would immediately start shaking his head as subtly as possible while moving his eyes over to Cloutier repeatedly.  Cloutier did his part by fixing an unblinking stare in their direction.

Can anyone recall a single shot of Cloutier during the bench drama of either the Detroit rivalry or the shouting matching after the Bertuzzi incident? No you can't.  Why? Because Jacques frickin Cloutier would litterally destroy all parties involved if he so much as raised his doomsday finger.  How can you explain him making it through so many coaching changes?  How can you explain him keeping his job after coaching such notables as Chris McAlester and actually putting him in a second defensive pairing?  Who can survive such things?  Only a robot sent from the future.  There's no other explanation.

My friends, ask yourself a simple question. Which direction do the players slide down the bench?  That's right, AWAY from Jacques fricken Cloutier.  When Theodore has to sit next to him he keeps his mouth shut and his eyes wide open.

Jacques fricken Cloutier.

MileHighHockey.com is a fan community, allowing members to post their own thoughts and opinions on the Colorado Avalanche and hockey in general. These views and thoughts may not be shared by the editors of MileHighHockey.com.

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