The Avalanche Answer

Everybody stop worrying.  There is a way that the Avalanche can save their season.  It's shockingly simple.  You may need 12 steps to cure coke addicts, but I can fix all of the Avs' ailments in two.

Step 1:  Get a new coach.

    While I do not think G deserves most of the criticism for just how much the Avalanche seem to prefer bocce and crochet to hockey at the moment, the coach has to bear most of the blame.  If management is going to convince the players that, yes, we are seriously serial about going from suck to somewhere other than blow, the message must be sent via firing the coach.  Sorry Tony, though I never thought you were the guy, the players never gave you a chance.  Though, I suppose it could be said you had your chance with the most high-powered offense the Avalanche ever had a few years ago, that's another issue.

    For step 2 to work, step 1's replacement better be damn good... because he'll have less to work with than most of his competition.  Who the guy should be, I'll leave for you folks to debate.

    Nonetheless, I can still fix all the Avalanche problems with a respectable coach and Step 2.

Step 2:  Injuries

    Lots and Lots of Injuries.  Long term injuries.  Guys spending months on the IR injuries.  In a way, injuries saved the Avalanche last year by freeing up enough cap space to get deals done for Forsberg, Foote (whom I swear I remember being awesome once), and Salei.  Without those 3, I highly doubt the Avalanche would've made the playoffs and I'm positive they would not have beaten the Wild.

    I realize it's not cool to hope for anybody to get hurt, so in a (weak) attempt to salvage good taste, I will not list the players I would most like to see take an extended unipron vacation.  I will offer my explanation. 

    The Avalanche are essentially up against the salary cap.  If you look down their roster, there are many dudes making mega-bucks.  There are very few dudes earning mega-bucks.  The best thing that can happen to this team is to temporarily lose the under-performing salary leaches to "unfortunate" events and get their cap numbers back from the ever-generous NHL. 

    With the extra cap space gained (while the overpaid go to rehab), management can use that money to sign players who are actually... hold your breath... good.  A bunch of superstars would be great, but I'll take a bunch of B guys who are paid like B guys, but give 100% on the ice.  Right now, the Avs have a bunch of C- guys getting A+ paychecks.

   The Avalanche record will improve.  Though I cannot say it'll improve enough to make the playoffs, games will be worth watching again.  During the last Flames game, I actually told my wife after the first period, "put on whatever you want".  I rolled over to go to sleep, listening to the soothing sounds of the freakin' food network.

    I don't need a team that wins the cup every year, but I demand one that is more entertaining than watching some fake-accented flame thrower demonstrate a new way to make ice cubes.

    What happens when the overpaid heal?  I dunno.  I don't care really.  If the Avalanche suck for a month or two less, I'm happy.  The food network really blows.