Okay, I admit I used to have a slight fixation on a certain short, blonde Hollywood starlet for a while.  But then this happened and I moved on.  She doesn't call anymore anyway.

When that relationship ended, I had to find another tiny, adorable young vixen to stalk write poetry to and I figured Kristen Bell was as good as any other.  Cute, friendly, and all-in-all a wholesome character.

Until I read this:

I grew up in Detroit and have always been a huge Wings fan. They have heart, skill, class and the best color combination known to man. That is why they will win.

Oh, it gets worse, don't worry:

Chris Osgood was my first crush. Brad Pitt be damned, he had nothing on Osgood's rookie skill and sad eyes. There was actually a day in high school when I wrote on a name tag 'Mrs. Osgood' and wore it the whole day. I really thought we were perfect for each other. I'd love to meet him and probably apologize that things never worked out.

Well, I guess Kristen Bell is the kind of girl that finds liars who flop around on the ground for no reason to be extremely attractive.  I only tell the truth and have never been knocked down by another man, so I suppose it just wasn't meant to be.  And that's fine.  I'll just have to find a girl that is more my type.

[Hat tip to With Leather for a great take on this sad revelation.]

UPDATE: Headline slightly modified for extra oomph.