The Not-Quite-Official MHH 2008-09 Season "Platform"
Okay, kids. The season is getting closer. We've now stepped into the "it doesn't seem like summer but man it's still hot out" month of September, and training camp will be upon us before we can tell the difference between Marty Sertich and Matt Hendricks.
In preparation for the upcoming season, it's important, as a community, for us to get on the same page. While we don't have to agree on every single little thing---that's boring---we do need to establish the general perspective from which we will view the upcoming season. What are the "self-evident truths" (so to speak) of the Avalanche this season? What players have to prove something to us? What players should be given a little breathing room before we start demanding their execution? Which teams are our biggest rivals? What level of regular season success (or failure) is acceptable?
I'll start with some preliminary ideas and we can hammer them out in the comments. Be sure to chime in wherever you agree or disagree. The more voices heard, the more representative this "platform" will be.
1. Joe Sakic is a god among men. He can do no wrong. If he struggles or under-performs, it's only because he's reached the twilight of a remarkable career. Every aging player slows down a bit and scores less. If that's how this season goes for Joe, so be it.
2. Paul Stastny is a god among men. He can do no wrong. If he struggles or under-performs, it's only because he's still in the dawn of a remarkable career. Every young player hits a rough patch now and then. If that's how this season goes for Son of Stastny, so be it.
3. Peter Budaj has earned the role as starting goalie of the Avalanche. He endured unfair distrust and punishment under Joel Quenneville, and patiently waited his turn while an undeserving Jose Theodore got all the playing time. He's still young, and there will be a lot of pressure on him, but he's way better than Andrew Raycroft and should be allowed to start at least 50 games---win or lose.
4. Anything less than 50 points from Tyler Arnason isn't going to cut it.
5. Like it or not, Tony Granato is the coach of the Avs and deserves the benefit of the doubt, at least until the All-Star break. If the Avs are below .500 and clearly underachieving at that point, however, we are perfectly free to call for his immediate ouster. MHH correctly identified Joel Quenneville as the wrong coach for the Avs, so we should not hesitate to pass judgment on Granato, either. Just wait at least 40 games or so.
6. While the goaltending is young and relatively inexperienced, and the coaching staff is at least somewhat suspect, the offense is the weak link of the team. Some players can be relied upon to put up good numbers, but others, like Arnason, Wolski, Svatos, and babies like Hensick, Jones and Stewart still need to prove themselves. They need to really make a big impact for the Avs to succeed. The rest of the forwards are bangers and agitators, and can't be expected to carry the weight. And nobody can get injured. Ever.
7. We will pray for Jordan Leopold's health and wellness every night before we go to bed, because the only thing keeping him on the ice is the grace of the lord above.
8. Detroit is still the worst of the worst when it comes to hated enemies, but until the Avalanche win a game against them, we must distract ourselves with ire toward other deserving recipients. Namely, the Calgary Flames. Coached by a douche, captained by a douche, and led in ice time by Phadouche, the Flames are the douchiest team that ever douched. Their official MHH nickname is "The Flame-Outs."
9. Until we see otherwise, Peter Forsberg is as good as retired from the sport of hockey, and we will not waste time hoping desperately for his return. Our hats will not be hung upon his presence, in other words. If he comes back, great. If not, we'll live.
10. The "Powerplay Kittens" are hereby retired. Until a definite trend of failure emerges, we will refrain from creating a meme around powerplay futility. Tony Granato starts with a clean slate in that regard.
11. The official nicknames used by MHH for various Avalanche players will be as follows: Super Joe, Son of Stastny, The Duke, Smytty, Hensiiick (three i's), Boots, Footer, Leoprone, Lappy, Wheels, Lumpy Gravy and The Sheriff. Nicknames for other players are subject to commentator discretion as long as they make sense and are easily identifiable. Marek Svatos hasn't earned "Svats Machine" until he has another 30-goal season.
12. The ultimate goal is the Stanley Cup, of course. But we also recognize the reality of the situation that faces the Avalanche this season: A new coach, a young goalie and a thin offense. Making the playoffs and not getting swept by the Red Wings will be okay.
13. A sense of humor will be maintained at all times. Remember, a self-deprecating demeanor can be extremely endearing, so don't take things too seriously. It's just hockey. Last year we got bogged down by the bad coach and the crummy finish in the playoffs. This year, we're going to relentlessly make fun of bad situations to the best of our abilities. If MHH members are anything, they're good comedians, so a light-hearted approach will persevere.
14. Joe @ MHH is the Master Debator, Supreme Overlord, and site administrator. This is a community, but he has the final say and wields the dreaded Ban Hammer. Cross him at your own peril. Mike @ MHH and Draft Dodger are his loyal lieutenants and should also not be trifled with. Keeping your comments positive, being supportive, and maintaining a level head at all times will ensure that your position as a valued MHH contributor is never at risk.
Please feel free to suggest additional items to add to the list. Also suggest amendments, subtractions or alternative versions to any of the above numbered items. Except for number 14. That one is not subject to debate.
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37 comments
Comments
A couple comments/questions
Except for number 14. That one is not subject to debate.
Wait you call yourself the master debater, but don’t open it up for debate.. What kind of totalitarian platform is this?
•I thought DD had earned the official nickname as Dater’s cuddle buddy, or have we had a poll on that yet?
• The Goal Girl is never getting retired right?
• Am I the only one who actually likes Iginla? I know he plays for the Flame-outs and all, but I’ve always liked him.
• I think Theo should be stripped of his pimp cane moniker. Either that or it should be altered when in reference to him. “Limp Cane” seems acceptable, but I’d prefer stripping the nickname like a knighthood is can be stripped in Britain.
"A witty saying proves nothing."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
by Jibblescribbits on Sep 4, 2008 9:12 AM MDT reply actions 0 recs
The best kind of totalitarian platform.
I prefer “Drafty” over anything else, but feel free to call him whatever you want.
The Goal Girl is subject to thread participants discretion. Just remember, no nudity.
You are the only one who actually likes Iginla. At least until he signs with Colorado.
Theo lost his moniker the second he signed with Washington. Actually, he lost it in the second round of the playoffs last season.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 4, 2008 11:44 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
I like Iginla too. He reminds me of me at work – a cool guy surrounded by morons.
by David Driscoll-Carignan on Sep 4, 2008 2:53 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
I prefer Jose Three-or-Four or worst goaltender in the NHL…
Oh, wait. We have Raycroft… new worst goaltender in the NHL.
2 down, 1 to go... Gettin' the band back together 08-09
by texacogirl on Sep 4, 2008 9:33 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Didn’t you fire Mike and DD a few weeks ago?
I'm sorry, Mr. Hossa, but I'm afraid we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because I hate you.
by JDunman on Sep 4, 2008 9:30 AM MDT reply actions 0 recs
Yeah, didn’t you?
But on the off chance that you’ve come to your senses and realized that Drafty and I are the bun and mustard to your little bratwurst of Avalanche fandom, I have a question. If you’re the Supreme Overlord and Mastor Debator, why are DD and I relegated to Lts? You’d think ONE of us would rate as a rear admiral, at least…
by Mike @ MHH on Sep 4, 2008 9:52 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Look, what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom is none of my business.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 4, 2008 11:45 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
You know, you really have to feel for the guys who have worked their way up the ranks only to get saddled with such a title. And yes, I used the terms ‘feel’, ‘worked’ and ‘saddled’ in reference to a ‘rear admiral’.
I'm sorry, Mr. Hossa, but I'm afraid we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because I hate you.
by JDunman on Sep 4, 2008 1:40 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
You’re a class act.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 4, 2008 1:41 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
At least I don’t feel that I have to go to law school to try to cover my tracks.
I'm sorry, Mr. Hossa, but I'm afraid we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because I hate you.
by JDunman on Sep 5, 2008 8:49 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Oooh, nice one.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 5, 2008 9:57 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Platform
I propose all comments and writing directed toward Granato’s return to the helm reference it as Granato’s Gang v2.0. Catchy, ain’t it?
We must withhold judgement on Darcy Tucker until at least the second game against the Flame-outs. His worth may be shown to us in a glorious flurry of elbows and punches to the head of either Phadouche or Douchetuzzi. Hell, he may crack the top 19!
And my personal biggie this season: If Smytty continues to be positioned behind the net more than in front of it, I will personally declare that we’ve got the wrong Granato behind the bench and Granato’s Gang v1.0’s success was all player-related and had NOTHING to do with the head coach.
by Mike @ MHH on Sep 4, 2008 9:58 AM MDT reply actions 0 recs
I think Douchetuzzi is an excellent alternate name for Big Bertha.
As for using Smyth as a barometer for how good a coach Granato is, I think you’ve nailed it.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 4, 2008 11:46 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Thanks. I like the way “Douch-a-tuzzi” sounds and I think it can be used as an Italian-sounding adjective too. Like: “That elbow from Tucker was kind of a Douchetuzzi move.”
Also, don’t forget to update Sakic’s UFA status on the sidebar…
by Mike @ MHH on Sep 4, 2008 3:02 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Oh yeah. Thanks.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 4, 2008 4:02 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
hehehe....
….Lumpy Gravy.
InYoFace Hasek! InYoFace
by InYoFace on Sep 4, 2008 11:05 AM MDT reply actions 0 recs
Regarding 1 and 2: If they under-perform, it is merely because they choose to give the opposition a fighting chance.
4. I need to see 50 goals this season to make up for all the empty net misses last year.
9. I miss Foppa :(
that is all.
26 Card Jet
by Tommelot on Sep 4, 2008 11:16 AM MDT reply actions 0 recs
Well, with Arnason we can’t kid ourselves. He needs to step up and score more points, but anything over 50 might be too much for his skill set. Last year’s 31 was pathetic, though.
Sure, he owes us 50 goals, but he’s probably only really capable of scoring 25. I want to give the poor guy at least one more fighting chance.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 4, 2008 11:48 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
You always warn us with the Ban Hammer but I’m not sure you have ever had to use it. I can only think of one person who maybe got it. Oh, and that Spam guy too.
InYoFace Hasek! InYoFace
by InYoFace on Sep 4, 2008 12:32 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs
It has been used. Not on any regularly contributing members, for the most part, but on a few trolls here and there. The Ban Hammer strikes in silence, usually. It’s more terrifying that way.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 4, 2008 1:42 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Do you have any pictures of The Ban Hammer? I’ve always imagined it kinda like Thor’s hammer, but with “FUH-Q” engraved on the side.
by Mike @ MHH on Sep 4, 2008 2:58 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
arnason and more
Arny Getting 50 pts? Did I miss the new schedule and we play edmonton 15 times this season?
Jibbles, I like iginla too, although I agree with some other comment around here lately that he did kinda turn into a douche last season.
How about Berdouchie for that scowling hunk of steaming fecal matter?
by TheRed on Sep 4, 2008 12:40 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs
I lost all respect for Iginla two season past when he and his team turned into major douches in the playoffs. A true leader should never stoop to that kind of thuggery and douchery, even against the evil empire’s Dead Things. Joe Sakic would never act in such a way; while Iginla was leading much of it.
Which guy in #11 is “Wheels”…Cuminsky?
- - Maybe it is just me, but putting Wolski in that category isn’t quite fair. He had 48pts compared to 50 the season before. I’ll take two less points for a sophomore slump. Sure he was overshadowed again by SoS, but we’ve already established his young God-hood. Plus Wolski was unfairly benched at times by the coach-who-shall-no-longer-be-named and played much of the season with Lumpy Gravy, who we’ve established can’t finish a play unless it’s against the Oilers. I guess Wolski should have stopped passing to him and shot more….
Berdouchie does roll off the tongue a lit easier than Douchetuzzi, but either way.
Now and then we had the hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be PIRATES.
-Mark Twain-
by Americanario on Sep 4, 2008 1:34 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
I like both nicknames for Bertha. I’m sure we can still come up with more.
As for Wolski, he puts up decent numbers over the course of a season, but he’s still really inconsistent. If that was caused by Q, then no worries. He’ll likely exceed his previous marks with little trouble this year. But, if it wasn’t Q’s fault, then Wolski needs to prove he can be a consistent offensive threat, no matter who he is paired with. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 4, 2008 1:44 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Douche?
I guess, like my Iginla opinion, I’m the only one getting a wee bit tired of the word “Douche” (nnot here, but in general) being thrown around so callously these days. Not that Bertuzzi doesn’t deserve it, but I think we can come up with some other equally insulting clever nickname (even though Berdouchey a pretty good one)
"A witty saying proves nothing."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
by Jibblescribbits on Sep 4, 2008 1:52 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Todd-nozzle? Turd Jacuzzi? Felch tractor? (ok that one isn’t a play on words, it just seems to fit him). Damn back to work… Maybe more later
by TheRed on Sep 4, 2008 4:50 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
I agree.
I also think Wolski has already improved more defensively that Svatos has, which could be a plus.
He’s still young and hopefully under a little more consistent tutelage he’ll return to his minors persona of thrashing the other teams defense. If not, getting 50pts a season out of your 2nd/3rd line winger isn’t bad, I’d like to see him move back to center for a while as well and see how that helps.
Now and then we had the hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be PIRATES.
-Mark Twain-
by Americanario on Sep 4, 2008 1:54 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Everything is pretty much right on. Although…
9. I miss Foppa too :(
12. Making the playoffs and not getting swept at all would be a better goal. Getting swept by the Blue Jackets would suck about as much as getting swept by the Wings.
btw, is it “Boots” or “Boods” or I even read it somewhere as “Budes”, what’s Budaj’s correct nickname?
I think the Avs can do well this season, sure the writers/predictors say we lost a couple of key guys, but on the other hand, those writers also seem to forget how injured the team was last year. I certainly hope we don’t have as many injuries, that was an injury plague of epic proportions. Having everyone (or at least most players) healthy will have the same effect as getting new guys. So I’m quite sure the season won’t be as bad as THN says it will be (lol, I hope you didn’t have a hand in those rankings Joe).
by Mike the Avs Fan on Sep 4, 2008 4:32 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs
No, I played no role in those lousy THN rankings. My affiliation with them is extremely minimal.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 4, 2008 4:39 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Too Late
I always get to the threads too late so I don’t have much to say that hasn’t already been said.
Well, except for Forseberg. I don’t know how anyone can look at a point + per game player along with the Avs crazy winning record with him in the line up and call him gravy. Forseberg has been one of the main contributing factors in the Avs decade + dominance of the NHL in conjunction with Sakic and Roy.
Gravy. Hrmpf.
The outlook seems a bit more positive this year as well with the foot and all. I also don’t know why people keep saying he needs another surgery. The news said he did not need surgery but a new rehab program to balance a foot muscle.
2 down, 1 to go... Gettin' the band back together 08-09
by texacogirl on Sep 4, 2008 9:40 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs
Just in case there is any confusion, the nickname “Lumpy Gravy” is for Tyler Arnason.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 5, 2008 4:01 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
but I called Forsberg “Tasty Gravy”, which may be what she’s referring too.
by David Driscoll-Carignan on Sep 5, 2008 7:37 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Well, in that case, there’d be no confusion.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 5, 2008 7:57 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs
Just to confirm, it was DD’s tasty gravy comment I was referring to. I know who lumpy is.
2 down, 1 to go... Gettin' the band back together 08-09
by texacogirl on Sep 6, 2008 10:28 AM MDT reply actions 0 recs
I’m getting hungry.
Go Avs! Let's get some goals!
by Joe Dunman on Sep 7, 2008 8:10 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs































