It’s “Loose Change 3” by Mike. I think that the biggest piece of the puzzle was Arnason though. Getting time on every line was the KEY to carrying out this diabolical scheme. The rest was just gravy!

Genius, I say! Genius!

LMAO…

That’s hilarious. Great work.

You just might have something there!

The Colorado Avalanche have the best management team in the NHL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well played, sir. I extend my pinky finger while sipping a martini to congratulate you.

god, i know this is supposed to be funny, but it’s just so…so…logical?

Trying to give Jibbles a run for his money in the comedy (albeit black comedy) department? You are succeeding admirably.

so Ti4T really started last summer? I want to believe, but I’m not sure any of these guys are that smart.

Entire story is awesomely hilarious and brilliant. I needed to catch my breath from laughing so hard.

I believe in Mike’s 2009 Conspiracy Theory!

Were you at the meeting??? Heads are going to roll when they find out that someone leaked that meeting…. Well, maybe not, it’s not like they pay any attention to what the fans say anyway….

Further confirmation that it takes talent and a plan to have so much fail.

The above homage to Scooby Doo having been made, Mike has forced me to come clean; and it won’t matter anyway since everything has fallen into place so nicely MUUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

First, I’ve avatar’d up (apologies to the grammarians who just suffered through that) and my handle is explained below.

Here goes…

This entire season is, in point of fact, the product of a grand conspiracy initiated by myself and with the wholesale cooperation of one E. Stan Kroenke. The project began in 1991 as my effort to earn my Illuminati Junior Conspirator’s badge and Stan the Man is and was, of course, my den master and advisor.

In 1991, I travelled to a small town outside of Cologne, Germany under the pretense of spending my senior year of high school as an exchange student at the local high school. It was, in fact, a trip to lay the groundwork of this most glorious of tank jobs.

Some years prior, as a mere whelp, I had become aware of a young German defenseman from Cologne by the name of Uwe Krupp. It was upon his 6’6" frame that I would build my plans for NHL domination!!

You see, young Uwe had been drafted as an afterthought by the Buffalo Sabres in the eleventh round of the 1983 draft and had turned out to be quite a serviceable blueliner, playing substantial minutes for Buffalo from 86-87 until shortly after my arrival in the Rhineland in Fall 1991. Upon my arrival, I sought out Uwe’s family, who, after some rigorous “convincing” agreed to call Uwe and convince him that upstate New York was no place for a nice German boy. He belonged on Long Island. Uwe did what his folks told him (he always was such a nice boy!) and agreed to the trade that I had prevailed upon Stan to engineer at his most recent Stonecutters meeting (that’s Stan on the lower right – he forgot his makeup that day).

The trade sent Uwe, Pierre Turgeon (no, that’s a different merit badge that I won’t discuss here) and others to the Isles for Pat LaFontaine et al. Uwe liked it pretty well downstate and did pretty well, helping the Isles to a good run in the 92-93 Cup race.

At the aforementioned Stonecutters meeting, Stan helped ole Charlie Lyons (immediately across the table from him in the photo above) cement the deal to bring the Nordiques to Denver in a few years. This worked just fine for me and my scheme.

Armed with prescience of the impending move, I engineered a trade between the Isles and the Nordiques in late June 1994 that would bring Uwe to Quebec (although I told him not to sign anything but a month to month lease) for Ron Sutter. What I was able to keep out of the press is the fact that the Isles had to send me not only their #1 that year (I sent them the Nords #1 in exchange), but also agreed to send me their #1 fifteen years later. This was the first 15 year deal the Isles did – and they seemed to like it, cause it wasn’t the last.

After taking a while to settle into the high altitude setting (and still preferring lower elevations), things seemed to work out OK for Uwe – and I was pretty happy with how things were progressing too.

As well as he had served my plan heretofore, Uwe was quickly outliving his usefulness to me, but not completely. In late June 1998 Stan & I swapped him to the Nashville Predators for “future considerations” – the right to swap their 2004 8th round pick for a player making equal or higher salary and playing the same position. We let the press (and the rest of the world) believe that the Preds got Uwe in the expansion draft for no other consideration. After all, an eighth round pick six years later? How good could that guy possibly be? I mean, they picked some Eurotrash keeper with a funny name – Pecker Rinde or something – whatever, probably won’t ever amount to much anyway.

I won’t tell you that the salary cap didn’t hit me and ol’ E. Stanley pretty hard. We were, due to some of Pierre’s boneheaded GM moves, obliged to let Foppa go in summer ‘05, but not entirely for nothing. You see, by this time I had finished my degree in finance and liked to dabble in futures trading (well, I always had, note the call option I bought from the Isles back when I was still in college). Anyways, I cut a deal with the Preds, who were kind of embarrassed that they had drafted a guy actually named Pecker, that allowed me to swap them one of my top two salaried defensemen for this promising kid they had drafted in ’03. He was big, mean and had a nice shot. Of course, I’d be mean and hit pucks hard too if my folks had named me after a girl. Shea? What were Mr. & Mrs. Weber thinking? I mean, I liked Johnny Cash’s Boy Named Sue just as much as the next guy, but come on! Anyhow, we’ll see how that works out.

Now that Mike shone light onto our dark little plans, I guess I’ll come clean. Yes, I did put in the fix on the season. I did offer to help Joe clear the snow from his driveway and “accidentally” started the snowblower while he was trying to figure out why “I just couldn’t get it to start”. I did ensure, as Mike so clearly lays out, that we will get BOTH Tavares and Hedman in the draft by exercising my little long term option from the Uwe deal (boy, I wonder if the Isle’s other 15 year deal will work out as well for them as this one?) and implementing the Ti4T program. I will swap that stoner Rayzor for old Pecker Rinder and I will swap Brett Clark for that girly man Weber (don’t tell him I said that!). Ya got me. Nice detective work!

Hopfenkopf – “Hop Head” came from my German high school friends. Actually, there were some other exchange students from North America there at the same time, ummm, let me think, one guy named Andrew and his stupid pal Tyler. They liked hockey, but I bet they never amounted to much since they were always bogarting the bong. Seems like I’ve seen them both recently… Hmmm…..

Anyway, just got a text from my buddy Barry. Gotta call him and see how his trip to Europe was this week.

It’s a lot of work, this world domination…..

And I was going to say was that at least our conspiracy theories are much more thought out than those of the dastardly Dead Things from Detoilet.

Some of you have TOO much free time….LOL

Unfortunately, it’s far too logical and makes way too much sense to ever think that a Francois Giguere-run team could come up with it.

And to boot, we won’t get that #1 pick!