Avs Expecting Empty Seats Sunday
by Bob in Boulder on Apr 15, 2010 1:45 PM MDT
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Although the game may be a sellout, the Avalanche expressed concerns today about having a large number of no-shows on Sunday night for their playoff home opener against the Sharks. Evidently, a new and highly unusual, yet to be fully understood, emotional disorder is sweeping their fanbase called Mikophrenia. With this disorder, small disturbances in eating patterns may lead to a total detachment from following the Avalanche.
"I ordered a pizza from Domino's last night," said one Mikophrenia sufferer. "There was a spot without cheese. I threw the damn thing against the wall and went to bed. Didn't even remember that the biggest Av game in the past two seasons was on even though I was wearing my jersey, growing a playoff beard, and had been blogging about the damn thing for 48 hours solid."
To combat the problem the Avalanche are tweaking their "Avalanche Experience" ad campaign to include the deeply intoned words "DON'T EAT" between a few random hockey terms.
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Beeeeeautiful
Dear experts that picked a Sharks win in 4: Go frak yourselves.
Sincerely , Colorado Avalanche
1-800-No-Mo-Miko
Call Now.
This is our team: underrated, filled with amazingly talented kids and veteran leaders, both young and old, who are buying into the vision of a hard working, fast moving, never-say-die game. They are the 2009-2010 Colorado Avalanche.
Hahahaahah
Sandie
"We called him Clark Kent because away from the rink, he was just a nerd. Then he'd go into the Colorado dressing room and put on his Avs jersey, and all of a sudden he was Super Joe"- Theo Fleury
by Sandie Gauthier on Apr 15, 2010 2:34 PM MDT reply actions
People may laugh and say “It’s so stupid… he punched a meat sandwich for crying out loud”. But this is no laughing matter to those who suffer from it.
You can't kill the metal. The metal will live on.
by Pinchy The Lobster on Apr 15, 2010 3:03 PM MDT reply actions
It’s true. The last victim was a chicken sandwich from BK, which actually got thrown across the room. Granted that was over 2 years ago, but still…
but it too did not have the proper combination of condiments.
Won’t someone think of the sandwiches?
by StructuralPoke on Apr 15, 2010 3:25 PM MDT up reply actions
You’re wrong. It wasn’t a chicken sandwich, even though I’d ordered a chicken sandwich. For all I know, that burger was laced with poison. Throwing it against the wall may well have saved my life.
If we don't get our sauce, we ain't watching the game!
Better to be safe than sorry.
You can't kill the metal. The metal will live on.
by Pinchy The Lobster on Apr 15, 2010 5:33 PM MDT up reply actions
In my defense, if you don’t get the fucking sauce, then you’ve just paid $4 for indigestible meat and squishy bread. If you don’t have the delicious sauce to hide that double-barrel fact from your taste buds, then what’s the point?
Seriously, the drive-thru girl asked if I wanted sauce, I confirmed it, she still screwed me over. Her job is to take my money and hand me food from a standing position. She barely has to move from her station. You’re telling me her job is so complicated she can’t recall the answer to a question SHE ASKED ME not 5 seconds before?
I weep for the future of our nation.
If we don't get our sauce, we ain't watching the game!
It’s not nearly as good, but you can substitute BBQ sauce or Franks Red hot and make it a sort of crappy buffalo chicken sandwich.
She barely has to move from her station
Poor Mrs.
The New Improved Avalanche. Now with Real Coaches!
Jibblescribbits: C'mon over and waste some time
by Jibblescribbits on Apr 15, 2010 3:30 PM MDT up reply actions
It’s not nearly as good, but you can substitute BBQ sauce or Franks Red hot and make it a sort of crappy buffalo chicken sandwich.
Strike this as I thought we were talking about Chik-Fil-a for some goddamned reason. My bad so I will taunt you in a different way:
In my defense, if you don’t get the fucking sauce, then you’ve just paid $4 for indigestible meat and squishy bread. If you don’t have the delicious sauce to hide that double-barrel fact from your taste buds, then what’s the point?
If you don’t eat yer meat, you can’t have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat yer meat?!
The New Improved Avalanche. Now with Real Coaches!
Jibblescribbits: C'mon over and waste some time
by Jibblescribbits on Apr 15, 2010 3:36 PM MDT up reply actions
Don't you think it's gotten better, though?
I mean, years ago it was a 50-50 proposition if you’d get what you actually ordered in the drive through, let alone the fancy sauce you wanted to go with it. A few weeks ago I ordered Chicken McNuggets specifically so I could sample the new Sweet Chili sauce (or whatever it’s called). I mentioned it in the drive through. I mentioned it again at the window. Not wanting to be one of “those guys” who holds up the drive through line while I check my order (which, these days, they get right about 98 percent of the time), I drove blithely forward without a worry.
Not only did I not receive any Sweet Chili sauce (or whatever it’s called), my daughter’s Happy Meal toy was missing, too. MOTHER EFFERS! I was mad for awhile, until I remembered why I was mad, which is because this stuff hardly ever happens any more these days.
Wait – did they screw you on the red sauce or the horsey sauce? Red sauce, meh. Horsey sauce, I’m on your side.
by Dan Winkler on Apr 15, 2010 3:42 PM MDT up reply actions
If they were competent, they probably wouldn’t be working there. Just saying.
The New Improved Avalanche. Now with Real Coaches!
Jibblescribbits: C'mon over and waste some time
by Jibblescribbits on Apr 15, 2010 3:53 PM MDT up reply actions
I agree, it’s gotten much better. Especially at the lower end fast food joints (McD & Taco Bell).
More drive thru fun: At Chik-Fil-A, say “Thank you” to everything. I mean absolutely everything. They must respond with “My pleasure”. My buddies and I play a game to see who can get the most “My pleasures” out of the Chik-Fil-A staff.
"Here's your dream: Matt Duchene, can he do it?... HE CAN! HE DID IT! MATT DUCHENE AND THE AVS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS!" - Mike Haynes
In my defense
Denial is a common first stage, Mike. Please, have a seat, or lie down if you’d prefer.
FU Rob Blake, and I mean that in the most gentlemanly way possible
by Bob in Boulder on Apr 15, 2010 4:10 PM MDT up reply actions
bq, then you’ve just paid $4 for indigestible meat and squishy bread. If you don’t have the delicious sauce to hide that double-barrel fact from your taste buds, then what’s the point?
maybe you should just get the sauce and then go to the grocery store for some good bread and meat. Just sayin.
"Sometimes you think they must have come out of the chimp cages at the Bronx zoo" - Gerry Cheevers, former Boston Bruins goalie, on New York hockey fans
Detroit Sucks
You obviously don’t understand the needs of the male digestive system around 9:30 pm post-hockey game.
If we don't get our sauce, we ain't watching the game!
Try oredering a double cheeseburger with bacon only ketchup. i explain I only want ketchup, cheese and bacon and STILL have to go through the list of onion, mustard and pickle and say no. I refuse to eat McDonalds for that reason, yeah it’s great they seem to be employing mentally challenged people but I don’t have half an hour to explain my very basic burge to themr and still get it screwed up.
The Savage has spoken. Let it be done
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference"
R. Frost
Reading the story reminded me of this...
Well beat the drum and hold the phone, the sun came out today.
by frightened inmate #2 on Apr 15, 2010 5:10 PM MDT reply actions
You lot are going to get me fired!!!
The maniacal laughter emanating from my office is entirely your fault!
Rob Blake: Gentleman, Scholar, clutch playoff performer for the Colorado Avalanche since 2001.
Perhaps people of denver...
believe that Avs in the playoffs is in fact more fun than a human being should be allowed to have. Just a saying people not a real thing.
Arbus sauce is key
Otherwise you have a dry mushy cardboard flavored object contaminating your bowels for the next 3 days. The sauce makes the pain bearable.
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