The Official Dr. Wolski Newsletter! (And Youth Hockey Guide)
by UZ on Aug 3, 2010 3:25 PM MDT
Email
Print
So you want to be a hockey player, eh kid? Well you're going to need a lot more than just a mullet and some ice. You'll need talent, training and really rich parents who won't mind you losing something over half the teeth in your mouth. A name with like twelve consonants in a row doesn't hurt either.
Besides all that, you're going to need a mentor, someone to teach you the ways of the game, someone to teach you how to be a man's man on every area of the ice, someone to instill the values of quick thinking and intuitive creativity on the ice to you!
Unfortunately, we don't have anyone like that around so we'll be using the somewhere-around-75th-or-so-greatest player in the history of the Colorado Avalanche, Wojtek Wolski.
Quick! You have the puck on your stick! It's 1 v 1 with the goalkeeper and you, only your skills vs. his to decide a close game! WHAT DO YOU DO?!
A. Aim for the top corner of the net and hit it as hard as you can, hoping you hit it in off the crossbar
B. Deke quickly and try and stuff it 5-hole
C. Circle back rather than shoot, instead passing it to a guy with 3 opponents on him
Quick! The opposition's best sniper is coming at you, sitting in the defensive zone with all your defenders caught out of position! There's another opponent coming on the flank as well, calling for a pass! WHAT DO YOU DO?!
A. Play between the two approaching attackers, commiting only when you have an idea puck-handler is going to do
B. Play the pass, trusting your goalkeeper to handle the shooter himself
C. Hope to God that Liles or Cumisky is coming from behind really, really fast as you watch the two opponents blow by you
Quick! It's the deciding final round of a shootout! Score here and your team is in the playoffs! Miss and their best shot comes up with the chance to win! WHAT DO YOU DO?!
A. Deke quickly and snipe the top right corner
B. Zip out slightly to the left as fast as you can, cutting to the right at the last second and tipping it into the open net
C. Go out really far, deke but don't deke back, dangle your stick 6 feet out to the side, not actually noticing that you're closer to hitting the pipe than actually putting it into the net and hope to god that the goalkeeper has never seen or heard about this move before in his life
Did you answer C for all these intense hockey situations? Damn right you did! Congratulations, you're well on your way to being a future hall of famer just like our hero Wolski!
Fuck if you'll ever look this sexy though.
MileHighHockey.com is a fan community, allowing members to post their own thoughts and opinions on the Colorado Avalanche and hockey in general. These views and thoughts may not be shared by the editors of MileHighHockey.com.
32 comments
|
recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
WWWWD!
ftw. Nice photochop on the banner there. Hilarious.
Your 2010-2011 Colorado Avalanche: Reaching Up to the Cap Floor
by Bob in Boulder on Aug 3, 2010 3:48 PM MDT reply actions 1 recs
The speed and fervor with which this was produced as opposed to that for Jones is….
…instructive.
Colorado Avalanche Offseason Strategy - Please wake us in October
Technically I wrote the one for Jones that same night I proposed it.
I just never got around to putting it up.
The 09/10 Colorado Rockies: Starring Johnny Herrera as THE ANSWER
THIS IS BUFFALO NATION GODZILLA HAS AWAKEN - abayarde
SBNation Denver: Because the Rapids are people too!
Burgundy Wave: My Rapids Blog
by UZ on Aug 3, 2010 6:29 PM MDT up reply actions
MHH: The Burgundy Army is on the March!
I'm The Canary - but I'm not cute nor cuddly, and I don't sing.
Whoa!
I sense another Wolski myth busting! He wore a “C” in Brampton? I guess he does have superior leadership skills! Myth- Busted!
MHH- A drinking site with a hockey problem
Hockeytown was a marketing invention to draw fans to a team that had less gate than the atlanta thrashers. Really Detroit, the only thing I'm jealous about is your marketing dept. When do they go UFA?
and Brett Clark wore the C for Hershey. I think September will be Brett Clark month
The 8th month is the month for Wolskis
by David Driscoll-Carignan on Aug 4, 2010 8:30 AM MDT up reply actions 1 recs
Can October be Brian Willsie month?
MHH- A drinking site with a hockey problem
Hockeytown was a marketing invention to draw fans to a team that had less gate than the atlanta thrashers. Really Detroit, the only thing I'm jealous about is your marketing dept. When do they go UFA?
You can’t stop Brian Willsie. You can only hope to contain Brian Willsie.
Your 2010-2011 Colorado Avalanche: Reaching Up to the Cap Floor
by Bob in Boulder on Aug 4, 2010 10:00 AM MDT up reply actions
Is it me?
Or is Kari off Mythbusters strangely, unconventionally, really hot?
Plausible
My opinion is worth about what you paid for it: Nothing.
Good god what is she doing to that pickle?
Your 2010-2011 Colorado Avalanche: Reaching Up to the Cap Floor
by Bob in Boulder on Aug 4, 2010 11:27 AM MDT up reply actions
confirmed.
And it’s not the only thing firmed
Intelligent opinion does not follow the transitive property
Jibblescribbits: C'mon over and waste some time
by Jibblescribbits on Aug 4, 2010 11:25 AM MDT up reply actions
meh. Her nose looks like wolski’s. She does have red hair though, so that’s a plus.
MHH- A drinking site with a hockey problem
Hockeytown was a marketing invention to draw fans to a team that had less gate than the atlanta thrashers. Really Detroit, the only thing I'm jealous about is your marketing dept. When do they go UFA?
Not that I’m saying I would mind “wolskiing around” her “faceoff circles” however.
MHH- A drinking site with a hockey problem
Hockeytown was a marketing invention to draw fans to a team that had less gate than the atlanta thrashers. Really Detroit, the only thing I'm jealous about is your marketing dept. When do they go UFA?
by TheRed on Aug 4, 2010 6:46 PM MDT up reply actions 1 recs
This is really starting to make me laugh!
We’ll have a whole new language by the time hockey starts back up again!
"That F******* sandwich had it coming!" -Mike@MHH
I took like two weeks off of the intertubes and came back to some weird Wolski rumor thing, some inside jokes that I definitely have missed out on, and much confusion. I suppose I will just have to spend the rest of my day going back thru the archives and try to figure out what the hell is going on.
Thanks Joe...
Worth it. You only need the last three days or so.
MHH- A drinking site with a hockey problem
Hockeytown was a marketing invention to draw fans to a team that had less gate than the atlanta thrashers. Really Detroit, the only thing I'm jealous about is your marketing dept. When do they go UFA?
It doesnt help that Im reading in reverse order. I suppose I should fix that. Learning about Wolski’s rumored breakfast has done nothing to de-mystify the situation.
Thanks Joe...
Start with “another Wolski myth debunked”
MHH- A drinking site with a hockey problem
Hockeytown was a marketing invention to draw fans to a team that had less gate than the atlanta thrashers. Really Detroit, the only thing I'm jealous about is your marketing dept. When do they go UFA?
For some reason this knowledge makes me a bit sad.
I just like the fights.
by Cheryl Bradley on Aug 3, 2010 9:54 PM MDT up reply actions
Just made me spit my coffee out
all over the keyboard.
Bonus points for the following innuendo: (or maybe it’s my dirty brain).
Liles or Cumisky is coming from behind really, really fast
My opinion is worth about what you paid for it: Nothing.
ommmggggggggg
AWESOME
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
Related FanPosts on Mile High Hockey
Related FanShots on Mile High Hockey
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
