Northwest Check - "Nobody's Going to Read This" Edition

We're bad. The Avalanche, I mean. I say 'we' because a disgusting portion of my life is devoted to them. I wore their gear to the airport on my way to Tennessee for a 10 day vacation from the mayhem of my life. I trolled a Red Wings fan so hard at the airport we had to be separated before any real issue showed up.

Not only are we bad, we're unlucky. Maybe The Nerdy Numbers Gang will come swooping in casting Calculators of Might and tell me that we deserve it after having such an off-the-wall statistical anomaly of a season last year. Terran isn't OP. The map pool just sucks, okay? Sometimes that's life for you. Our injuries this year are straight silly. I don't even react to the news anymore other than to just laugh. What else can we REALLY do with it other than just sit back and have a nice chuckle? Things aren't going well.

You know what is going well? My vacation. Pizza everyday, massive amounts of epic gaming, punk music and dominating Megaman games. I know. My life owns. Because nobody is going to read about how the rest of the division is doing with us realistically falling out of the race, I figured I'd just blabber on about nothing. Owned. Enjoy the links, Mom, since I know you're always out there reading ;D


Northwest Standings

GP W L OTL PT
Vancouver 57 36 12 9 81
Calgary 59 29 22 8 66
Minnesota 55 30 20 5 65
Colorado 57 25 26 6 56
Edmonton 56 16 32 8 40

(updated 2.14.2011 at 10:39 PM MST)


 

Team capsules after the jump...

 

All standings related info pulled from NHL.com

Calgary Flames (59 GP 29-22-8 66 Pts)

Last Week: 3-1-1 3-1 W vs. CHI, 5-2 W vs. OTT, 4-5 OTL vs. ANA, 2-4 L @ VAN, 9-1 W @ COL

Conference Standing: 8th Place, 1 point ahead of 9th place Minnesota and 15 behind 1st place Vancouver.

Overall Rankings:

  • Goals For: 2.8 (13th)
  • Goals Against: 2.9 (19th)
  • Power Play %: 16.5 (22rd)
  • Penalty Kill %: 81.6 (16th)

Fun Facts: Too soon. Just. No.

This Week: Calgary takes their white hot streak of late into a pretty light schedule with just 2 games this week starting Wednesday vs. DAL before a nice 3 day break as they hit up the Heritage Classic vs. MTL. Should be fun. Someone watch it for me. Thanks in advance.

News: Apparently the St. Valentine's Day Massacre wasn't entirely easy for Calgary as two yokels got hurt.Boofuckinghoo.

What's it like to be in a playoff race? These fools talk about it for a while. Yay.

The Heritage Classic is almost here!

The 2003 Heritage Classic was awesome, apparently. IT WAS AWESOME, YA DIIIIIG?

Transactions: None.

Injuries:  C Daymond Langkow is still out indefinitely with a "head" injury, F Raitis Ivanans is day to day with a head injury (no shock there, really), F Adam Pardy (when did he become a forward???) is listed as out indefinitely with an "upper body" injury.

 

Colorado Avalanche (57 GP 25-26-6 56 Pts)

Last Week: 0-4-0   2-3 L @ MIN, 1-3 L @ CBJ, 3-5 L @ NSH, 1-9 L vs. CGY

Conference Standings: 14th place, 10 points behind 8th place Calgary and 25 points behind first place Vancouver.

Overall Rankings:

  • Goals For: 3.0 (6th)
  • Goals Against: 3.3 (29th)
  • Power Play %: 18.9 (11th)
  • Penalty Kill %:  78.0 (27th)

This Week: Fuck last week. This week we start with a clean slate, beginning with a game we're likely to get massively stomped in vs. PIT before a two day break allows us to get into NorCal where we look to enjoy another bloody beatdown Saturday @ SJ. Oh, joy.


Edmonton Oilers (56 GP 16-32-8 40 Pts)

Last Week: 0-3-0  1-4 L vs. CHI, 3-5 L vs. OTT, 0-4 L vs. ANA

Conference Standings: 15th place, 26 points behind 8th place Calgary and 41 (!) points behind first place Vancouver.

Overall Rankings:

  • Goals For: 2.4 (28th)
  • Goals Against: 3.3 (30th)
  • Power Play %: 11.3 (30th)
  • Penalty Kill %: 75.5 (30th)

Fun Facts: NOTHING IS FUN RIGHT NOW, OKAY? I'm sorry. It isn't you. It's me. I'm just feeling a little hormonal is all. I promise it's not you. The stress of my ever changing body is starting to catch up to me.

This Week: Pretty standard week ahead for the perpetually slumping Oilers as they continue to enjoy a lengthy homestand with 3 more games to produce 2 whole points for them starting Tuesday vs. DAL and continuing with a tilt Thursday vs. MTL and concluding with a Saturday afternoon game vs. ATL. That's the one they win. In Overtime, no less. JUST YOU WAIT. 

News: While we were getting stomped, these doods were practicing for when they get stomped next. Nice not to be alone.

Grant Fuhr is a bad ass.

Just remember, Avs fans: It could be worse. Much, much worse. 

Transactions: D Taylor Chorney was recalled Feb 14 and D Jeff Petry was reassigned to Oklahoma City.

Injuries:

  • Ryan Whitney is on IR and is out indefinitely with an ankle injury.
  • Jim Vandermeer is on IR and is day to day with an ankle injury. 
  • Gilbert Brule is not on IR (?!?!) and is out indefinitely with an ankle injury\
  • Shawn Horcoff is not on IR and is day-to-day with an illness. Money says he's on the same cycle as me.


Minnesota Wild (55 GP 30-20-5 65 Pts)

Last Week: 3-0-0 3-2 W vs. COL, 5-4 W @ STL, 3-1 W vs. STL

Conference Standing: 9th place, 1 point behind 8th place Calgary, 16 points behind 1st place Vancouver.

Overall Rankings:

  • Goals For: 2.6 (23rd)
  • Goals Against: 2.6 (10th)
  • Power Play %: 19.9 (7th)
  • Penalty Kill %: 83.4 (11th)

Fun Facts: DON'T LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW. 

This Week: Another week of excruciatingly boring hockey is played by the Fighting Christmas Trees starting with a brutal back-to-back Tuesday vs. VAN and Wednesday @ CHI. The Trees of Boredom Tears continues their charitable efforts by attempting to cure insomnia Friday vs. ANA and Sunday vs. DET. You have fun with that, Wild.

News: The Aeros winning streak ended at 6 :(

Valentine's Day in the words of Wild players. I lol'd.

Hockey Wilderness continues the awesome NHL's Worst Rule Contest going with at least one heavyweight.\

Shocking news! Minnesota has made a commitment to defense >:O 

Transactions: None.

Injuries:

  • James Sheppard is still out with a knee injury with his return unknown.
  • Josh Harding remains out with a knee injury of his own but has begun skating lightly.
  • Guillaume Latendresse is out indefinitely with what is listed as a hip/hernia injury.
  • Marek Zidlicky is on IR with a shoulder injury and will remain out for the next 4-6 weeks while he rehabs.
  • Marco Scandella has a mild concussion after taking a puck to the face and remains out of the lineup.

 Vancouver Canucks (57 GP 36-12-9 81 Pts)

Last Week: 1-2-0   3-4 L vs. ANA, 4-2 W vs. CGY, 2-3 L @ STL

Conference Standing: 1st Place, 7 points ahead of 2nd place Detroit.

Overall Rankings:

  • Goals For: 3.4 (1st)
  • Goals Against: 2.3 (1st)
  • Power Play %: 25.2 (1st)
  • Penalty Kill %: 85.9 (4th)

Fun Facts: A losing week. Fuck. Yes. 

This Week:  Vancouver begins this week in what might as well be considered a tailspin (awesome show btw) in the middle of a 3-game road trip which continues Tuesday @ MIN and brings them to nearby where I am now Thursday @ NSH and then woohoo returning home Saturday for a night cap vs. DAL.

News: Keith Ballard: Goalie killer and now terribad blackjacker. 

Minor Hockey Appreciation Night suuuuuch a cool idea..

Hahahahahahaha. Just click me.

Transactions: Victor Oreskovich (FFFFFFFFFFFF) was recalled from Manitoba on Feb. 10. 

Injuries:

  • Dan Hamhuis is day-to-day with a concussion.
  • Keith Ballard will miss another 2-3 weeks with a knee injury.
  • Alex Edler is out indefinitely after having back surgery.
  • Lee Sweatt is week-to-week with a foot injury
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