Northwest Check - "A Week's Worth of Nothing" Edition

What a difference a week can make, right? Colorado came back to Earth last week against some pretty good hockey clubs and only managed to scrape by with 3 of a possible 8 points, scoring just 3 goals in the final 3 games of the week.

Meanwhile, Calgary came charging hard after a long and soul-crushing road trip that concluded with the incredibly-fun-to-watch Beatdown in Beantown and won all of their games. Still, the division standings remain exactly the same, with Calgary still behind Colorado, Minnesota, and Vancouver and all of them pulling away from Edmonton.

The Edmonton Oilers continue their indefensible slide towards the bottom of the league. Anaheim is somehow managing to catch them in the standings because Edmonton has scraped out just 3 points in their last three weeks. Naturally they went ahead and re-signed a journeyman defenseman in the midst of a career year to help shore up their defense. Corey Potter to rescue, y'all. To. The. Rescue.

Minnesota managed to win a game! Take THAT regression! Of course they sandwiched the win between two losses but hey, regression doesn't exist and that one win says so. Despite their recent reliance on ineptitude, the Wild still hold the 8th and final playoff spot in the Western Conference. On January 13th. At least they have that, right?

Somehow our fifth and final division foe, the Vancouver Canucks, are first in the division and starting to run away with it. They're first in the Western Conference and daring teams to catch them, are in the top 10 of all the major statistical team categories, and they still can't seem to stop crying and whining about how the NHL is out to get them. Then they prove lessons haven't been learned from the Steve Moore incident when their head coach goes public with what looked an awful lot like a threat to an opposing player to the rest of the hockey world. All of this was followed by the Vancouver writers taking up arms and playing the "Poor us wah wah waaahahhh" card and asking why everyone hates them because they don't have any toughness and that's apparently the only loathsome quality in hockey teams. You want to know why I personally hate you guys? You've proven you can't lose with class by tearing apart your city and then blaming it on anarchists. You've proven you can't win with class by winning and then asking why you aren't better liked. You play the games themselves with a certain lack of class and respect for the game with the reprehensible diving and incessant crying. What exactly are outsiders supposed to like about you, Vancouver?


Northwest Standings

GP W L OTL PT
Vancouver 45 28 14 3 59
Minnesota 44 22 16 6 50
Colorado 45 23 20 2 48
Calgary 45 21 19 5 47
Edmonton 42 16 22 4 36

(updated 1.13.2012 at 1:56 AM MST)


Team capsules after the jump.

All standings related info taken from NHL.com...

Calgary Flames (45 GP 21-19-5 47 Pts)

Last Week: 3-0-0 3-1 W vs. MIN, 6-3 W vs. NJ, 1-0 W vs. ANA

Conference Standing: 12th Place

Overall Rankings:

  • Goals For: 2.4 (26th)
  • Goals Against: 2.8 (14th)
  • Power Play %: 16.8 (18th)
  • Penalty Kill %: 82.4 (16th)

This Week: The Flames finish up a redeeming 4-game home stretch that predictably keeps them in the hunt but just far enough back they won't consider a major roster shakeup because they're busy trading cheaper, better players for more expensive mediocre players in a completely neutral and mind-boggling stupid move. The return of Darryl Sutter and his Kings to Calgary on Saturday night in what's sure to be one of the more awkward and eye-opening experiences for him. The Flames then hit the road and head to San Jose on Tuesday night and probably board a plane for the cross-state flight to LA to play against Sutter's Kings yet again Thursday. This week feels a lot like a 1-1-1 (Terran OP) week.

News: Jarome Iginla scored his 500th career goal last week. Congrats on being a better goal scorer than fighter, Jarome!

Should Iginla be hono(u)red and not traded? Can't both happen? He keeps video of every goal he's scored in the NHL? That's...yeah, wow.

The Darryl Sutter return promises to be high comedy. He has to coach against the team he (poorly) built. What a golden opportunity for him to realize what an inept GM he really was.

Curtis Glencross may be a gigantic tool but he's definitely a talented hockey player so let's just forgive him for being unable to stop opening his mouth and saying stupid shit. He's only an athlete, right?

An Old Flame HUEHUEHUE OH YOU, NHL.COM

Transactions: Acquired Mike Cammalleri, Karri Ramos, and a 5th round pick in the 2012 NHL Entry Draft in exchange for Rene Bourque, Patrick Holland, and a 2nd round pick in the 2013 NHL Entry Draft.

Injuries:

Colorado Avalanche (45 GP 23-20-2 48 Pts)

Last Week: 1-2-1 4-0 W @ CHI, 0-4 L @ STL, 1-4 L vs. NSH, 2-3 OTL @ NSH

Conference Standings: 10th place

Overall Rankings:

  • Goals For: 2.4 (25th)
  • Goals Against: 2.8 (17th)
  • Power Play %: 18.4 (13th)
  • Penalty Kill %: 81.8 (20th)

This Week: The Avs will look to rebound from the expected letdown last week with games against teams they've experienced some success against this season. First they travel to Dallas Saturday to re-visit the site of their bananas 6-7 OTL earlier this year. After what's sure to be a 1-0 game in Dallas, the Avs pack up and head to Phoenix to enjoy true winter climates Monday. They then head home for the sunny season as they welcome the Florida Panthers to Denver on Wednesday in what will likely be their only trip to town this season (you know, barring a replay of the '96 Cup Finals).

Edmonton Oilers (42 GP 16-22-4 36 Pts)

Last Week: 0-1-1 1-4 L @ DAL, 1-2 OTL vs. NJ

Conference Standings: 13th place

Overall Rankings:

  • Goals For: 2.6 (15th)
  • Goals Against: 2.8 (15th)
  • Power Play %: 21.3 (4th)
  • Penalty Kill %: 83.4 (10th)

This Week: The Oilers are the busy bees of the division this week as the NHL predicted they would have this awful stretch of play over the last month and a half and gifted them a game against equally terrible Anaheim Friday night in Edmonton. The Oilers then host the good SoCal team, one might currently call them the Kings of California (HUEHUEHUE I should write headlines for NHL.com!) Sunday before hitting the road and getting another chance to actually win a game when they head to Columbus Tuesday. They better hope they win there because they are not winning in St. Louis on Thursday. They just aren't.

News: Ahhh, Marc Crawford. What the hell are you talking about?

Taylor Hall is pimpin the Oilers ride, yo.

Magnus Paajarvi re-joins the thunderdome that is the NHL in hopes of living up to a fraction of the promise he's been saddled with. Life is hard, big man. Time to produce or get traded to the Avs for Ryan Stoa (please?).

RNH has a baby-faced bestiieeeee. D'awwww!

Apparently Mulletgate was a big deal and Dean Lombardi feels just oh so awful about it.

Transactions: Signed overachieving D Corey Potter to a 2-year extension worth $775K AAV.

Injuries:

Minnesota Wild (44 GP 22-16-6 50 Pts)

Last Week: 1-2-0: 1-3 L @ CGY, 5-4 W vs. SJ, 2-5 L @ CHI

Conference Standing: 8th place

Overall Rankings:

  • Goals For: 2.2 (29th)
  • Goals Against: 2.4 (8th)
  • Power Play %: 14.1 (26th)
  • Penalty Kill %: 83.1 (11th)

This Week: I dunno if you've heard but Minnesota has grossly regressed recently with a whole bunch of losses in almost all of their recent games. They look to continue this hilarious trend for the sake of continued mocking as they slide further down the standings every week with a slate of three difficult road games! Chances are good we'll see the Wild continue to play bad hockey at St. Louis on Saturday and then head East where they will surely receive biased officiating Tuesday at Philadelphia and are guaranteed to have one of their players decapitated in hockey mecca Toronto on Thursday. Maybe that's all it takes for the NHL to notice limbs being severed during games: play in Toronto. Wild fans were just too impatient and unwilling to let the case study play out before coming to conclusive results. You could say...they were too Wild with their accusations HUEHUEHUEHUE.

News: Mikko Koivu gets a very well-deserved first All-Star appearance. Congrats, Mikko!

I'm only linking this because the writer refers to the Wild as the "Mild" in here and I know MHHers will get a chuckle out of it.

In the strangest concussion story of the season, P-M Bouchard is out indefinitely. Also gotta love the editing staff at Fox News. Good work on that first paragraph, guys!

Change the culture, not the rules. Okay, boss.

Transactions: Reassigned Nate Prosser and Marco Scandella to Houston, recalled David McIntyre and Matt Hackett from Houston.

Injuries: Lazy copy/paste mode ENGAGE.

Vancouver Canucks (45 GP 28-14-3 59 Pts)

Last Week: 3-1-0 4-3 W @ BOS, 1-2 L @ FLA, 5-4 W @TB, 3-2 W @ STL

Conference Standing: 1st place

Overall Rankings:

  • Goals For: 3.2 (3rd)
  • Goals Against: 2.4 (7th)
  • Power Play %: 23.6 (1st)
  • Penalty Kill %: 87.1 (4th)

This Week: The Canucks somehow manage to forge ahead with their schedule even though the rest of the NHL is a bunch of meaniehead bullyfaces who all hate the marshmallow soft Canucks for some insane reason when in reality they're just a whale of a likable group of guys (HUEHUEHUEHEUE). These courageous Canucks play host to a flock of Angry Birds when Anaheim flies into town Sunday. The Canucks then have to scrape themselves off the boot of the NHL's mean machine just in time to play against the visiting Monarchs of the West Tuesday. Poor Vancouver. y life so hard ;_;

News: The Canucks are apparently looking for an agitator at the deadline. Strange because their mere existence seems to agitate so many people already.

The p-p-p-poor us train continues full steam ahead with this highly agitating read about what victims the Canucks are.

The Canucks and Bruins have the most intense rivalry in the NHL at the moment.

This is really childish. The Vancouver dudes honestly wonder why everybody hates them?

Transactions: Recalled Mike Duco from Chicago (AHL).

Injuries:

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