All-Star 'Fantasy' Draft Sucks

by Mike @ MHH on Jan 27, 2012 9:02 AM MST in NHL News

The NHL is missing the mark entirely on the NHL All-Star Fantasy Draft. In just a couple of minutes of contemplative thought, I've already come up with several ways to improve the experience for the fans and the players, something that is rare in the world of hockey.

First of all, the name. What's 'fantasy' about it? The players exist in the real world, the game actually occurs, and the results are tangible. It's not a grandiose statistical simulation like fantasy hockey or fantasy football. Just call it what it is: The All-Star Draft. The only way you should be allowed to call it a fantasy draft is if after the whole thing is over, the teams should huddle and come up with a hilarious name for their team: The Soft Euros, Team ESL, All Killer-No Filler, The Cap Busters, Milbury's Mistakes, Next Year's Philly Goaltenders, etc.

Next up are some obvious issues with the format. I like how captains are chosen behind closed doors and then they get some assistants. That's OK. But instead of somewhat randomly assigning an assistant, why not treat it like the first overall pick in peewee and just let the team captain take his best bud or teammate to the podium at the start? When I coached Little League the team's head coach automatically got his son on his roster because it was a gimme pick. Same concept here. Then we wouldn't have the "take my boy" ~~trend~~ tradition with the Cam Ward and Erik Karlsson picks. We all know you want to play with your friends. We did too. In Middle School. Just make it semi-official and get it out of the way.

Encourage the players to have fun. Let the spirits and libations flow (for those of age, of course). Not fall down drunk, but let's lower some inhibitions and relax some of these guys that have to give interviews for this thing. Let's see some friendly betting. This year they had the option of a trade but nobody took advantage of it. Why didn't Zdeno Chara immediately take Jason Spezza and then force Daniel Alfredsson to deal Claude Giroux to Chara's team to prove his loyalty? Why didn't Chara jump on the other Sedin and look to deal the last pick for Daniel Sedin? Why didn't Alfie snag Tyler Seguin and leverage him for Pavel Datsyk? Why didn't any of them THINK OF THIS??? It would have been fun for everybody.

The broadcast needs to be improved TREMENDOUSLY. The Twitter updates were a horrible idea. Maybe it's not the concept but the dead fish they put in charge of it last night was literally seconds from either slitting her wrists in boredom or quitting altogether to get a career upgrade at Hooters.

If you want people to actually watch the draft, you can't have a theater/theatre full of obnoxious frat-boys yelling at the stage or booing EVERY PICK. It sucked the fun out of it for the players and made it unwatchable on TV. At least don't mic them up or hold it in a venue that makes such behavior an issue. One Sedin joke from the audience aside, it ruined the TV side of this draft.

If you only have an hour allotted for the draft, don't waste the first 20 minutes with fluff interviews, bad jokes, and zero content. This only results in rushing the second half of the draft, basically giving short shrift to some players in you desperate dash to get the thing over with. Again, it sucked fun out of the whole thing. Victory is in the preperation.

That said, there's no reason this has to be a live show. If you want to spend time with each player as he's drafted, then do it. Make it an hour and a half to two hour show, but edit it down to 45 minutes for broadcast purposes. Treat it like an awards show. Nobody sees the key grip Oscar on TV except in clips. I doubt you're going to get interview gold from everybody or even a majority of the players so you won't have too much content. Roll some highlights on a split screen or something. Throw some more stats up there, especially on the ticker.

Don't employ James Duthie as the MC EVER AGAIN. Besides his lame attempts at humor (several times tailored just for the Canadians in the crowd), his blindsiding of Tim Thomas, and his overall tone my overall biggest issue with him was his rampant fixation on the last pick. We all understand that somebody will be last pick. It's humiliating to an extent but to harp on it starting with the 4th overall pick and bringing it up at least 3,098 times before the end of the draft was a bit much.

Don't interview the guys that can't speak English. I'm looking at you Pavel.

Get the rookies more involved. Have them hand out the jerseys, run a draft board, SOMETHING other than sit there staring at Chara's backside for half the night.

My over-reaching dream for this show is that they hold it at a rink or on a frozen pond one day and the players put their sticks in a pile and the captains pick teams old school. You can still have a good production value for that (just like the skills competition) and do all of the things I mentioned above. Then you have some photo ops on the ice, role the biggest loser's new car out there, mingle with the media and fans, etc. But that makes way too much sense and will never happen.

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Get this to Bettman. Stat.

"In my experience, there's no such thing as luck" -Obi Wan Kenobi
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by TheRed on Jan 27, 2012 9:27 AM MST reply actions 1 recs

This makes it sound like not watching was the best option. I wouldn’t know. I didn’t watch.

OK Shermie, time to be the shepherd

by Busted Twigg on Jan 27, 2012 9:28 AM MST reply actions

I had it on the TV as I did other things….

Datsyuk may have done it first, but he learned it from Peter Forsberg.

Thanks for everything Foppa!
Footer: We'll miss seeing you clear the riff raff off your lawn.

by Americanario on Jan 27, 2012 11:20 AM MST up reply actions

Fantastic Mike. I had alot of the same same thoughts watching this. The twitter chick was a waste of time. It was nice how one of players tweeted something like I am surprised she hasn’t screwed up yet and she gave a nice polite FU, then screwed up the next sentence.

The Ottawa fanx were annoying, ok it was a little funny to boo the leafs players once or twice, but everytime they speak got real annoying real quick. The rookies definately need to be more involved, then to make them sit on a bench in front of everyone seemed like a little bit of hazing, here sit there like a dumb ass because your a rookie. If they wanted to mess with them make them serve drinks to all the other players or something like that not sit around like trained puppies at a dog show.

James Duthie was totally awful. I couldn’t stand it when he talked. They might have been better off letting Crosby and Ovie be the MCs, at least you might get some enjoyable banter instead of horrilbe french canadian jokes.

Avalanche Hockey: egressing to the mean

by cush52 on Jan 27, 2012 9:36 AM MST reply actions

I only saw the last 4 picks

and I literally lol’d when Duthie said the key was the actual key size for Chara’s car. So I didn’t mind him, but like I said, I only watched the last 4 picks. I was annoyed how much they mentioned it then, I can’t imagine how much they mentioned it in the last show.

I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.

by ProfessorOak on Jan 27, 2012 9:43 AM MST reply actions

I think that’s about when I came in too. I turned it on right before the Boston Bro-Hug.

Just a Colorado girl in Montana who ♥s the Avs and writes for Mile High Hockey.

by andidee15 on Jan 27, 2012 9:53 AM MST up reply actions

hahaha

hug it out

I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.

by ProfessorOak on Jan 27, 2012 9:54 AM MST up reply actions

The key joke was a little funny.

Datsyuk may have done it first, but he learned it from Peter Forsberg.

Thanks for everything Foppa!
Footer: We'll miss seeing you clear the riff raff off your lawn.

by Americanario on Jan 27, 2012 11:21 AM MST up reply actions

Almost forgot two biggest jokes of the night

Hey James, I understand you don’t really know shit about hockey, but, and you can trust me on this, the Bruins and Canucks are not the best rivalry in hockey at the moment. Not even close and to say that is an insult to every other rivalry in the game. They have played each other about 10 times in the last 3 years and that is including a 7 game series about 7 months ago. Before the stanley cup finals last year I bet people on either team couldn’t name a 4th liner from the other team.

Also, if you are going to give away a car to the last pick, at least make something that won’t embaress the shit out of the guy if he is ever seen riding in it. Now I am not saying give him an Escalade or Navigator, but a friggin Honda what ever the hell that thing was (was that a new age station wagon). I would bet he gives that thing away to the family member he likes the least.

Avalanche Hockey: egressing to the mean

by cush52 on Jan 27, 2012 9:44 AM MST reply actions

I thought it was a nice car, Honda’s are pretty solid cars.

I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.

by ProfessorOak on Jan 27, 2012 9:47 AM MST up reply actions

The Crosstour is pretty sweet IMO.

If we don't get our sauce, we ain't watching the game!

by Mike @ MHH on Jan 27, 2012 10:05 AM MST up reply actions

Also, if you are going to give away a car to the last pick, at least make something that won’t embaress the shit out of the guy if he is ever seen riding in it. Now I am not saying give him an Escalade or Navigator, but a friggin Honda what ever the hell that thing was (was that a new age station wagon). I would bet he gives that thing away to the family member he likes the least. #DanEllisProblems

4th biggest pessimist of MHH.
"There's always next season." -- Jimmy Howard on not winning the Calder Trophy.

by Dixomatic on Jan 27, 2012 10:07 AM MST up reply actions

I didn’t think it was that cool. I wouldn’t buy one, but that is me and my taste. For guys that make over a million per year, giving them a Honday for a prize is really not that impressive. Imagine if someone told you that you won a car and then they hand you the keys to a 2006 Pontiac Sunfire worth about $3000.

Avalanche Hockey: egressing to the mean

by cush52 on Jan 27, 2012 10:47 AM MST up reply actions

Craigslist

OK Shermie, time to be the shepherd

by Busted Twigg on Jan 27, 2012 10:48 AM MST up reply actions

I bet the players are still appreciative. They can give the car to a family member or friend or donate it.

Maybe
Jibblescribbits: C'mon over and waste some time

by Jibblescribbits on Jan 27, 2012 11:04 AM MST up reply actions

They can give the car to a family member or friend or donate it.

Bingo. Betcha the local food bank or children’s hospital could use the wheels. In fact, let’s just cut to the chase and have the vehicle (or a check) donated to the charity picked by the final pick. Better PR and let’s face it, it’s even less exciting to see if the least of the millionaires in question wins the car than it is to see if Schoolteacher Sue from Minot, ND wins the car or gets the Rice a Roni.

2011-2012 Lokomotiv Yaroslavl: Vyechnaya Pamyat!
2011-2012 Colorado Avalanche: Chances are rapidly diminishing that this will not suck.

by Hopfenkopf on Jan 27, 2012 12:22 PM MST up reply actions

I like the charity idea it seems like a much better way to go. To bad it all comes bad to advertising/marketing and money. If they gave to charity then Honda wouldn’t be able to parade there new car to the hockey fans.

Why not do something where 38 fans are picked from a contest and each fan is paired with an all star. Whatever all star gets picked last the fan gets the new car instead of the player. Another way to get the fans involved and keep the sponsors happy.

Avalanche Hockey: egressing to the mean

by cush52 on Jan 27, 2012 2:03 PM MST up reply actions

The only thing holding that up is that the sponsor (in this case, Honda) pays money to be seen giving the car to the person. And I would think giving the car to a player is seen better than giving it to a charity of the player’s choice.

Let the player decide what to do with it. If he wants to give it to his Girlfriend, Wife, Mistress, Mom or a Charity that’s his perogative.

Maybe
Jibblescribbits: C'mon over and waste some time

by Jibblescribbits on Jan 27, 2012 2:31 PM MST up reply actions

Plus he’s gotta pay the tax on the car no matter what, even if he keeps it, so def let him decide.

"In my experience, there's no such thing as luck" -Obi Wan Kenobi
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by TheRed on Jan 27, 2012 6:30 PM MST up reply actions

It gets lessened if he donates it, but yeah.

Maybe
Jibblescribbits: C'mon over and waste some time

by Jibblescribbits on Jan 27, 2012 8:21 PM MST up reply actions

Anyone know

if there’s a rule that you can’t trade during the all-star break? Sort of like there is one where you can’t trade over the holidays?

I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.

by ProfessorOak on Jan 27, 2012 9:49 AM MST reply actions

There is no black letter rule, but Bettman “suggested” that teams shouldn’t trade during the break.

A man who stole my whisky used the defense that no one could resist a bottle of Scotch. I had no choice but to testify on his behalf.

by c6hor8 on Jan 27, 2012 9:53 AM MST up reply actions

interesting

I wonder what happens when this “suggestion” is broken, heh

I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.

by ProfessorOak on Jan 27, 2012 9:54 AM MST up reply actions

Shanahan randomly appears and starts hitting you over the head with his banhammer, mocks your armpit hair, then makes a video explaining your infraction.

Just a Colorado girl in Montana who ♥s the Avs and writes for Mile High Hockey.

by andidee15 on Jan 27, 2012 10:06 AM MST up reply actions 2 recs

I would think it would be a good time to at minimum discuss trades. I would think they might just wait till Sunday night or Monday morning to finalize and announce it. That way the player could travel Monday, get in on the team skate Tuesday morning and play Tuesday night.

Avalanche Hockey: egressing to the mean

by cush52 on Jan 27, 2012 10:49 AM MST up reply actions

Wow, back when Engbloom’s attempt to hide his male pattern baldness wasn’t quite so ridiculously futile.

2011-2012 Lokomotiv Yaroslavl: Vyechnaya Pamyat!
2011-2012 Colorado Avalanche: Chances are rapidly diminishing that this will not suck.

by Hopfenkopf on Jan 27, 2012 12:23 PM MST up reply actions

Until Brendan Shanahan ~~went to the Red Wings~~ died, I always like him. This is why.

"In my experience, there's no such thing as luck" -Obi Wan Kenobi
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by TheRed on Jan 27, 2012 6:33 PM MST up reply actions

Sandis Ozolinsh was once dealt right before all-star weekend.

It was during the East vs. West format and he was traded from one conference to another. If I recall correctly, he was pretty upset and either didn’t participate in the skills competition or did so wearing a generic jersey with an NHL logo on it. He played for the conference from which he was traded as rosters had obviously already been decided.

by c0nquistad0rian on Jan 27, 2012 7:43 PM MST up reply actions

A fitting end to the ceremony would have been to have Henry Winkler put on a leather coat and jump over Logan Couture.

4th biggest pessimist of MHH.
"There's always next season." -- Jimmy Howard on not winning the Calder Trophy.

by Dixomatic on Jan 27, 2012 10:15 AM MST reply actions 1 recs

/cue wipeout

Have another donut!

by beersam82 on Jan 27, 2012 10:18 AM MST up reply actions

Would you rather see him jump Couture or be covered in bees?

Avalanche Hockey: egressing to the mean

by cush52 on Jan 27, 2012 10:50 AM MST up reply actions

The draft did suck, it was about 10 minutes of players actually being picked and 10 minutes of Duthie’s attempt at humor, and the other 40 was the obnoxious Ottawa crowd yelling the same crap over and over and over and repeatedly booing. Seriously, the jokes and taunts were sort of funny the first few times, but after 40 minutes, and the same thing being repeated 30 times it was just stupid. I don’t remember if there was a crowd last year to watch and that’s a good thing, it means they weren’t a bunch of morons trying to throw out the same one liners every pick because they think they’re being funny.

The players could not have looked more uncomfortable. From Thomas being put on the spot to Duthie repeatedly harping on the fact Chara wouldn’t pick a Canucks player, they were all pretty awkward. I don’t know, the draft seems like a good idea in theory but it was pretty lame this year.

Of course it didn’t help that not a single Av was invited to play in the all star game itself, just Landeskog for the rookies. I would suggest to the NHL that if they want to improve it give the fans from every team a reason to watch. Seeing your rookie player up there for 2 minutes and then having to sit the rest of the time is not all that entertaining and I’ll be tuning out next season should the same circumstances arise.

by UTBroncofan on Jan 27, 2012 10:33 AM MST via mobile reply actions

Oh, and

this has nothing to do with the draft but bring back the young stars game, if I’m not mistaken all the rookies get to do now is play in the skills competition, that’s lame give them their own game again.

by UTBroncofan on Jan 27, 2012 10:41 AM MST via mobile up reply actions

IIRC, they used to have one player from every team in the actually game….that has recently changed to a representative from each team involved in the All-star week.

Datsyuk may have done it first, but he learned it from Peter Forsberg.

Thanks for everything Foppa!
Footer: We'll miss seeing you clear the riff raff off your lawn.

by Americanario on Jan 27, 2012 11:26 AM MST up reply actions

I want any (but really all) of these things to be implemented.

I'm such a huge fan of the Avs I can name who our goalie was FOUR seasons ago! Crazy, right?!

by Guitarpick8120 on Jan 27, 2012 10:37 AM MST reply actions

I thought Duthie was fine…

Mission 48.3 Accomplished!

by patrit19 on Jan 27, 2012 10:40 AM MST via iPhone app reply actions

I did as well…

Really don’t understand the hate.

I am boobs.

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by Thor the Clunge Destroyer on Jan 27, 2012 5:38 PM MST up reply actions

Was the comment about the Sedin’s being aliens (I thought that was at least kinda funny) from a fan or was that Spezza talking to another player? I thought it was from Spezza but I could be wrong.

Avalanche Hockey: egressing to the mean

by cush52 on Jan 27, 2012 10:53 AM MST reply actions

Spezza talking to Karlsson

Mission 48.3 Accomplished!

by patrit19 on Jan 27, 2012 10:59 AM MST via iPhone app up reply actions

I’ve always thought they looked like aliens.

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by Kevin Kraczkowski on Jan 27, 2012 11:33 AM MST up reply actions

That last idea is BAD ASS. Make it happen, Betty.

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by Cheryl Bradley on Jan 27, 2012 11:14 AM MST reply actions

I agree. One additional benefit would be to make no requirements as to how many of what position get picked. It’d be great to see d try to play o and vice versa if they had a surplus of one type of player.

"In my experience, there's no such thing as luck" -Obi Wan Kenobi
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by TheRed on Jan 27, 2012 11:19 AM MST up reply actions

Gotta make sure the goalies get picked evens though.

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by TheRed on Jan 27, 2012 11:20 AM MST up reply actions

True, but if you did the stick drop thing, just make them pick the goalie sticks first.

Datsyuk may have done it first, but he learned it from Peter Forsberg.

Thanks for everything Foppa!
Footer: We'll miss seeing you clear the riff raff off your lawn.

by Americanario on Jan 27, 2012 11:27 AM MST up reply actions

easy enough.

"In my experience, there's no such thing as luck" -Obi Wan Kenobi
O'Reilly works harder than you
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by TheRed on Jan 27, 2012 6:34 PM MST up reply actions

Allowing Chara and Alfredsson to trade players as if it was a really “fantasy” draft, would be funny.

A man who stole my whisky used the defense that no one could resist a bottle of Scotch. I had no choice but to testify on his behalf.

by c6hor8 on Jan 27, 2012 11:29 AM MST reply actions

They were supposed to have one trade they could do, sounds liek they didn’t use it.

Maybe
Jibblescribbits: C'mon over and waste some time

by Jibblescribbits on Jan 27, 2012 11:47 AM MST up reply actions

I watched the whole thing but it was kind of boring, I thought last year was more interesting, maybe be it was more novel. I can’t believe they didn’t take the mics off that obnoxious crowd, you couldn’t even hear the players announcing picks sometimes.

I wished they had exercised the trade option, that would have been more interesting. Maybe they could have traded the rookie teams, so that Senator players could end up with his teammates and Landy could have been with the rest of the Swedes (I’m ignoring Hagelin).

It took me awhile but I finally realized today that maybe Chara picked Dennis Wideman because they used to be teammates for a few years.

by vtcapsfan99 on Jan 27, 2012 1:28 PM MST reply actions

It took me awhile but I finally realized today that maybe Chara picked Dennis Wideman because they used to be teammates for a few years.

They were actually D partners for a time.

2011-2012 Lokomotiv Yaroslavl: Vyechnaya Pamyat!
2011-2012 Colorado Avalanche: Chances are rapidly diminishing that this will not suck.

by Hopfenkopf on Jan 27, 2012 1:37 PM MST up reply actions

Interesting. I noticed that Chara towered over him when they selected Wideman, and Wideman isn’t short. Must have been a funny pair to watch together. Wonder why the announcer didn’t bother to mention that connection?

I actually just met Wideman earlier this week at a fan event at Verizon Center and Wideman was mocking the rookie D Dmitry Orlov to all the fans because Orlov was wearing Uggs. Kind of funny.

by vtcapsfan99 on Jan 27, 2012 2:34 PM MST up reply actions