Dear Stan: Try to understand that I do want to be your fan.

Doug Pensinger

A letter to the Colorado Avalanche owner Stan Kroenke


My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got outta bed at all
The morning snow clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be white but your jersey on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

Dear Stan, I wrote you but you still ain't calling
I left my cell, MHH address and my e-mail at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not've got 'em
There probably was a problem at the front office or something
Sometimes I scribble names to sloppy when I jot 'em
But anyways, fuck it, what's been up, man? How's Joshua?
My dog's pregnant too, my house is about to have a litter
If there's a boy, guess what I'mma call him, I'mma name him Kroenke
I read about the Rams too, I'm sorry
I guess this means we, fans, have Josh, eh?
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan,
I even have an Avs jersey, on the back, the name is "Stan"
I got a room full of the shit you sell, man
I like the shit you did with Landeskog too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, this is Sandie



My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got outta bed at all
The morning snow clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be white but your jersey on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad



Dear Stan, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside the Can
You didn't have to, but you coulda bought a new Jumbotron
It's not HD, I can't even see Stastny's missing teeth, fuck man, it's really old
We waited for years for it too, but you just said no
That's pretty shitty man, I'd rather be at home watching American Idol
And I'm not like Sakic, I don't like Idol, Stan, I like hockey - more than you do
I ain't mad though, I just don't like being lied to, remember
When we met in Denver, you said if I'd write you, you would write back
See, I'm just like you in a way, I prefer Pepsi to Coke too
It just tastes better, right?
I can relate to the players you put on the ice
All them seem funny, love hockey and are all about giving back to the community
So when I have a shitty, I drift away and think of Bourque and the Cup
Cause I don't really got shit else, so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of the Avs near my Cupcakes
Sometimes I even go to games and cheer
It's like adrenaline, and even the pain when they lose - it's such a sudden rush for me
See everything you sell is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My boyfriend's jealous cause I talk about the team 24/7
But he doesn't know you like I do Stan, no one does
Because, Stan, you don't like to give Damn interviews
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Sandie, P.S. I'll even cheer for your other teams too



My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got outta bed at all
The morning snow clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be white but your jersey on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad


Dear Mr. "I'm- Too-Good-to-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans"
This'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been 80 days and still no word, I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters, I emailed tickethorse and wrote 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Stan, there's an avalanche warning right now, you dare me to drive
You know the song by Phil Collins "In the Air of the Night"
About that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning
But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late, I'm watching a Broncos game, and I'm drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy freaking hockey game
I hope you know I ripped all of your team shit off the wall
I love you Stan, we coulda been happy together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream, I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it
I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me
See Stan? Jackass are you blind?
Hey Stan, that's me screaming at a football game
See what you've made me do? See, I ain't like you
Cause I can't stop watching sports, so now I'm suffering even more
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the Sports Authority Field now
Oh shit, I forgot, I need to take the trash out?



My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got outta bed at all
The morning snow clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be white but your jersey on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

Dear Sandie, I meant to write you sooner but I've just been busy
Look, I'm really flattered you'd be calling you dog that,
And here's a picture of a better Jumbotron, it's the most you'll get, happy now?
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the Can, I musta missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally to diss you
I just don't like too spend much time at hockey games,
It's fucking cold. How do you deal with that?
Oh, by the way, who's this "Sakic" guy you mentioned
You got some issues Sandie, I think you need some counseling
To help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some
And what's this shit about the "Landeskog", making up words like that
That type of shit'll make not want us to meet each other
I really think you and the Rams need each other
Or maybe you just need to cheer for the Nuggets - you'll love 'em
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
Before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doing just fine
If you relax a little, I'm glad the team inspires you, but Sandie
Why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don't need you as one for the Avalanche -that's some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some chick was drunk and went to the Pepsi Center and cried on the sidewalk
She just bawled, saying that she didn't understand how I could do this to her
And in her purse, they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about it, her name was, it was you, Damn.




Thanks to Eminem for giving me a pretty Darn good starting point to write to Stan.


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