Some of the exact quotes may be slightly off, obviously, as we were unable to bug the room, but our sources confirm this is basically how the meeting went.
JOSH KROENKE: Okay, so let's talk about some details regarding the installation of my new video board.
E. STAN KROENKE: WHAT WE CAN'T AFFORD THAT
JOSH: Daaad, we talked about this! Our old board in the arena isn't cool anymore. The other owners are laughing at me. You said I could have a new one last week!
GREG SHERMAN: (shuffling through a stack of papers) Our forecasts show we can make a new video screen at Pepsi Center work if we cut one expenditure worth about $14-15 million over four years. However, the initial reports from asset management indicate such a substantial loss would deplete one of our holdings' talent to the point at which-
JOSH: Do it.
GREG: I'm sorry?
JOSH: Just don't re-sign O'Reilly. Isn't he the one who wants more money? Let him walk. I'm sure the hockey thing's been going great without him.
GREG: It doesn't exactly work that way, he's a restric-
STAN: Done. Decided. Let him walk to Siberia to count trees if you have to. Why are you wearing that goofy grin, Greg?
GREG: (looking bewildered) this.. what... it's just my face, it's what it does...?
JOSH: Anyway, this is all just a big distraction from the real issues our brand faces. We're missing out on a huge opportunity to capitalize on the Denver sports market. If we use the time when the building will be unusable anyway due to the new board being installed, we can build a new section of arena seating that's sure to be a big hit with our hockey customers in particular. PR-Bot?
MARKETING ROBOT: CURRENT INTERNET TREND CRAWLERS REPORT COLORADO AVALANCHE HOCKEY CONSUMERS SPENDING MUCH TIME OF LATE AT PLACE CALLED "LEDGE."
JOSH: So what do you think we should do with that information?
MARKETING ROBOT: CAPITALIZE ON TRENDS OF COLORADO AVALANCHE HOCKEY CONSUMERS. PUT LEDGE IN ARENA AND CHARGE COLORADO AVALANCHE HOCKEY CONSUMERS MONEY TO BE THERE.
(Josh unrolls a blueprint on the board room table.)
JOSH: My concern here is that if the customers are at this Ledge place, they aren't at games, and if they aren't at games, they aren't spending money on KSE products or contributing to gate revenue. The solution is to bring The Ledge to the Pepsi Center.
STAN: Have you gotten in touch with The Ledge about franchising and licensing rights?
JOSH: No, see, as far as we can work out, The Ledge isn't a business of any kind, it's just... a spot. A flat area next to a steep drop-off. My proposal is that we create a Ledge of our own. It would be a flat, standing room only area, with the upper bowl behind it and a drop-off in front of it. I'm confident that the addition of The Ledge will make up for recent shortcomings in gate revenue.
STAN: Fads come and go. What's your contingency when customers decide to, if you will, "back away" from The Ledge?
MARKETING ROBOT: THIS OUTCOME IS HIGHLY IMPROBABLE. INTERNET COMMENTING HISTORY SHOWS COLORADO AVALANCHE HOCKEY CONSUMERS GO TO LEDGE IN RESPONSE TO LOSSES.
STAN: (rubbing his chin thoughtfully) Well, sports teams do lose frequently. It's just part of the business.
GREG: (tapping away at a TI-84 so hard smoke is rising from the top) It appears... that... preliminary financial predictions would tend to indicate the gate revenue generated by the addition of a hotspot like The Ledge would offset some of the losses incurred by purchasing a new video screen. Could I have permission to trade Ryan?
JOSH: Ryan the maintenance guy?
GREG: No, O'Reilly. If the cost of the video screen/ledge project is negated somewhat by revenue gained, we could keep from losing an asset for nothing.
STAN: I'm not familiar with that idea.
JOSH: I think I follow. That's innovative thinking, Sherman. Make it happen.
STAN: Anything further?
JOSH: No, that's it from me.
STAN: (standing) Then that will do, gentlemen. Fuck the Red Wings.
JOSH AND GREG: Indeed.