A blue pill solution to enjoying the Avalanche

Oversimplification is a subtle bad habit.

One form of this is to take a successful paradigm and impose it on a context where it doesn’t belong. Thus, we argue that healthcare and education should be run like businesses even though both lack extremely basic elements of that model: they can choose neither their market nor their raw materials. Consequently, we consistently struggle with the costs, results, focus and direction of those endeavors.

What does this have to do with hockey?

The Colorado Avalanche were purchased by Stan Kroenke, beneficiary and student of Walmart’s business model. Walmart’s business model is to ruthlessly reduce labor costs while simultaneously demanding vocal and unwavering allegiance to its top-down corporate culture. Its poverty-level employees are expected not just to work hard for their pittance, but to chant and cheer their love of the company.

As consumers we feed the monster by lining up to incessantly graze at Walmart’s low-priced buffet of mediocrity. When their under-priced crap reveals itself to be exactly that, we feel no betrayal or anger because that is what we expected.

So, who is the idiot in this story who insists on imposing an irrelevant paradigm?

The idiot is us.

We insist on imposing a fan paradigm on what has become simply a business. We still want to weigh the product on various exotic scales that measure wins and losses, honor, inspiration, achievements, and vicarious pride.

THIS is the source of our unhappiness. We need to adopt the correct paradigm if we wish to continue to enjoy our team, take the lovely(Walmart) blue pill I suggest below

Step 1: embrace a new logo


AvsPROFIT (via rapierwhitt)

Step 2: Embrace Zanon

Zanon is a solid synechdoche for this new fan paradigm. If you expect great, you are guaranteed disappointment, but if you don’t, then you allow yourself to appreciate how little we paid for a guy who 1) shows up 2) blocks shots 3) carries a stick 4) has a great beard 5) typically looks a lot like an NHL defensemen 6) seems nice 7) doesn’t complain 8) typically skates in the right direction . . . and much, much more.

Step 3:

If you insist on taking the O’Reilly red pill, don’t be disappointed by the depths of the rabbit hole.

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