Let's have a goal scoring contest, first prize is a Cadillac.

Joe Sakic: Let me have your attention for a moment! 'Cause you're talking about what? You're talking about...]puts out his cigarette]...bitching about that shot that got blocked, some son of a bitch tipped it away, somebody didn't let you get to the front of the net, some ref trying to screw you, so forth. Let's talk about something important. [to Joe Sacco] Are they all here?

Joe Sacco: All but one.

Sakic: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important! [to Paul "The Machine" Stastny] Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for scorers only. [Paul scoffs] You think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Stan and Josh. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Stastny?

Paul "The Machine" Stastny: Yeah.

Sakic: You call yourself a centerman, you son of a bitch?

Matt Duchene: I don't gotta listen to this shit.

Sakic: You certainly don't, pal. 'Cause the good new is you're fired. The bad news is you've got, all you've got, just one week to regain your jobs, starting with tonight. Starting with tonight's skate. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this month's scoring contest. As you all know, first prize is Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody wanna see second prize? Second prize's a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. Do you get the picture? Are you laughing now? You got wings. Stan and Josh paid good money. Get their names to pass to them! You can't assist the wings you're given, you can't assist shit, you are shit, hit the bricks, pal, and beat it 'cause you're going out!!!

Paul "The Machine" Stastny: The wings are weak.

Sakic: The wings are weak. Fuckin' wings are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business 15 years.

Matt Duchene: What's your name?

Sakic: FUCK YOU, that's my name!! You know why, Mister? 'Cause you drove a 80,000 dollar BMW to get here tonight, I drove a 8 billion dollar jet. That's my name!! [to Paul "The Machine" Stastny] And your name is "you're wanting". And you can't play in a man's game. You can't score them. [at a near whisper] Then go home home and tell your wife your troubles. [to everyone again] Because only one thing counts in this life! Get the puck past the goal line, which is not dotted! You hear me, you fuckin' red wings? [Sakic flips over a blackboard which has two sets of letters on it: ABS, and AIDA.] A-B-S. A-Always, B-Be, S-Scoring. Always be scoring! Always be scoring! A-I-D-A. Attention, Interest, Decision, Action. Attention -- do I have your attention? Interest -- are you interested? I know you are 'cause it's fuck or walk. You score, or you hit the bricks! Decision -- have you made your decision for Christ?!! And action. A-I-D-A. Get out there!! You got the goalies coming in. You think they came in to get outta the rain? A goalie don't walk on the ice lest he wants to get scored on. Sitting out there waiting to give you their goals! Are you gonna take them? Are you man enough to take them?

Matt Duchene: Incredible.

Sakic: [to Duchene] What's the problem, pal? You. Duchene. [Sakic sits down.]

Matt Duchene: You're such a hero, you're so rich. How come you're coming down here waste your time with such a bunch of bums?

Sakic: You see these rings? [Sakic takes off his championship rings.] You see these rings?

Matt Duchene: Yeah.

Sakic: Those rings cost more than your life. I made the Hall of Fame last year. What did you make? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you, go home and play with your kids!! [to everyone] You wanna work here? Score!! [to John Mitchell] You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you redwing? You can't take this, how can take the abuse you get on a skate?! You don't like it, leave. I can go out there tonight, the wingers you got, make myself 6 points! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A!! Get mad! You son of a bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to score NHL goals? [He pulls something out of his brief case. He is holding two brass balls on string] It takes brass balls to score goals. [He puts them away after a pause.] Go and do likewise, gents. The goals are out there, you pick them up, they're yours. You don't, I got no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those skates tonight and score, score, it's yours. If not, you're gonna be shining my shoes. And you know what you'll be saying, bunch of losers, sitting around in a bar. [in a mocking weak voice] "Oh yeah, I used to be a centerman, it's a tough racket." [He takes out large stack of red index cards tied together with string from his briefcase.] These are the new wingers. These are the Pierre LaCroix wingers. And to you, they're gold. And you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. [He hands the stack to Joe Sacco.] They're for scorers. I'd wish you good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. [to Duchene as he puts on his rings again] And to answer your question, pal, why am I here? I came here because Stan and Josh asked me to, they asked for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fuckin' ass 'cause a loser is a loser. is a fan community, allowing members to post their own thoughts and opinions on the Colorado Avalanche and hockey in general. These views and thoughts may not be shared by the editors of

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