The fucking game started with David Jones hitting Dustin Brown in the fucking head with his fucking stick. No. Seriously, it was three fucking seconds into the game. Off of the first fucking faceoff. The Avs managed to kill the fucking thing though and we got a few looks at 20-year-old Sami Aittokallio making his NHL debut in net. Hell, it was his first fucking start in NORTH AMERICA according to the Kings announcers who apparently haven't heard of the AHL. David van der Gulik managed the first fucking Colorado shot on net after almost 5 minutes of play. Not long after that, Brad Malone produced one of the most fucking obvious interference/holds and went to the box. Fucking great.
A Kings entry into the zone resulted in a drop pass from Mike Richards to Jeff Carter who sniped it far side for the first fucking Kings goal of the game. Even though Erik Johnson got a piece of it with his stick, the fucking LA announcers immediately started claiming Carter was the fucking second coming with his "one-of-a-kind" wrister. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. A few minutes later, Jake Muzzin whiffed on a shot in the high slot. Richards skated around fucking Paul Stastny (who had half dropped to block the initial shot) and ripped a wrister into the top corner. 2-0 for the fucking Kings. That was seven minutes into the fucking period. Other fucking "highlights" from the first frame include Patrick Bordeleau fucking destroying Muzzin behind the net, Johnson re-injuring his shoulder on a routine hit along the boards, Greg Zanon taking a horrific fucking charging penalty and later kicking the puck at his goalie (seriously), and the Avs ending the period getting out-fucking-played with the shots pretty fucking lopsided at 15-4. How the fuck did they have 4 shots on goal? It's a fucking miracle, it is.
The second period started like Giguere had ripped the team a fucking new one in the lockerroom. Plenty of scoring chances, sustained pressure, and shots for the Avs to start the frame!! Fuckin' A, am i right? Hell, Brad Malone (of all fucking people) even drew a penalty. The PP looked like a steaming pile but small steps, you know? It took LA about 8 minutes to start to level the ice and it neutralized both teams' offenses. It turned into a fucking neutral zone back and forth game. Jonathan Quick actually had to do shit on occasion though, which was a nice change of fucking pace, let me tell you. Bordeleau also got the chance to have a good shift or two where he laid the fucking wood on Richards and Muzzin (again).
Also a nice change? Sami not getting shelled. Hell, it took almost 13 fucking minutes before the Kings got their first shot on net. Finnish Glove Hand, y'all. Then the fucking unthinkable happened...Jones (who was skating pretty fucking well in that period) won a puck battle behind the Kings' net and the puck squirted to Stastny, who slipped it between Quick's pads before he could close to the post. Fuck Yeah!! 2-1 Kings with about 4 minutes to go in the period. The Kings answered the fucking bell though and started to generate some pretty fucking passes and scoring opportunities. By the time the fucking buzzer sounded the shots were 11-6 for the Avs in the period and 21-15 for the Kings in the game.
Period the third started with a great fucking breakaway opportunity for Matt Duchene off of a sweet P.A. Parenteau pass from the far side boards. Quick made a nice glove save. Colorado had definitely tilted the fucking ice to start the period as they generated seven unanswered shots in the first 4 minutes to take the lead in that tally. About five minutes into the frame, a chip pass up the boards found its way to Stefan Elliott who put the puck on net. It deflected off a King and Bordeleau got a fucking piece of it as Quick slid out of the way. 2-2!!
Play evened out after the goal with both clubs trading some nice fucking chances up and down the ice. Aittokallio made a good save on Richards on a rush down the right wing and Ryan O`Reilly's line drove the play back the other way for a pretty good fucking look! The horrific LA announcers chimed in after Drew Doughty witnessed a high stick three inches from his face and had the fucking wherewithal not to play the puck in his own zone. Truly Norris Caliber Play there. Somehow during the commercial, Muzzin got tagged for a high-stick of his own and the fucking Colorado PP got another chance to crush the spirits of their dozens of fans. To add insult to injury, a fucking appalling pass at the defensive blueline led to some grade-A shorthanded opportunities for the Kings. Then, to add injury to fucking injury, Aittokallio went down to what was reported as cramps by the LA announcers. Given their accuracy on the rest of the night, I'm sad to report that Sami had to have both of his fucking legs amputated (just kidding). J.S. Giguere, motivational speaker, had to untuck his fucking neck towel and join the game with just over ten minutes left in regulation.
The fucking Kings could smell blood (probably due to the amputation) and cranked up the pressure for the second half of the period. Stastny got called for a love-tap high stick on Emmy-nominee Muzzin and the Avalanche had to kill ANOTHER fucking penalty, this time with 8 minutes left in the damn game. The PK stepped up like a fucking boss though and actually sprung Stastny for a good chance as the penalty expired. Unfortunately, the PK unit was fuckin' gassed and it didn't amount to much. LA finished out the period strong and Giguere had to make some sweet saves to keep it tied to the end of regulation. Shots at the end of regulation were 32-27 Kings.
OT was almost all LA and Stoll and Williams were generating good chances. Brown's fucking line was clicking too. Giguere had to make a fucking rad dive across the crease to keep LA off the board in the waning seconds to keep the game tied. That apparently used up all of his fucking mojo because...
...he got lit the fuck up in the shootout, giving up three goals. Only P.A. Parenteau scored on his attempt. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Mitchell - Duchene - Parenteau
McGinn - Stastny - Jones
McLeod - O`Reilly - Landeskog
van der Gulik - Bordeleau - Malone
Johnson - Hunwick
Hejda - Elliott
Zanon - Barrie
- Besides being generally brutal at their jobs, the constant mispronunciations of Sami and SoS' name as well as the "LA has a book on the young goalie" bullshit in the first fucking period made me want to throw a baby into the sun.
- I thought Landy and Duchene were the best players in the 2nd and 3rd periods. The puck was on their sticks a lot during their shifts. So of course Stastny got the goal, just for you haters.
- Zanon blocked a shot at center ice. I don't have a joke for that.
- Classy booing an injury, LA Queens fans.
- #9, #26, and #90 all had lowly 42% FO numbers. Clearly we have some duplication in the roster and somebody should be traded.
- Despite the fucking curb-stomping the Panthers took tonight, the Avs are still in 30th.