Tis the season for a Tradesmas carol

Fans sing along as Stastny and Parenteau lead them in a stirring rendition of It's The Most Fatuous Time Of The Year - Doug Pensinger

Every holiday needs songs written about it. Even absurdly manufactured ones. Nope, ESPECIALLY those.

(the following represents solely the opinions of its writer, not the staff at large, and is not to be disseminated or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball)

Do you guys like holiday cheer? I'm filled over the brim with the stuff, and another holiday is nigh upon us. That's right, I'm talking about Tradesmas! It happens every winter (even though we're pretty sure the last Norse god to be traded was dealt in the summer) and lasts entirely longer than the one day it technically is. Those are the only criteria for a holiday deserving its own soundtrack. So I've taken it on myself to craft festive music for the occasion, so we can all gather round the Buffalo tirefire and warm our hearts as well as our hands this March 5.

It's The Most Fatuous Time of the Year
Melody - traditional
Lyrics - SteveHouse

It's the most fatuous time of the year,
With mittenstringers yelling
and everyone selling you news from their rear!
It's the most fatuous time of the year.

It's the stupe - stupidest season of all,
With those trade rumor seedlings
and media bleating routine GM calls!
It's the stupe - stupidest season of all...

There'll be Twitter for roasting
HFBoards for posting
the worst trade it's ever proposed.
There'll be locker room worries
and tales of the glories of
Stanley Cups long, long ago...

It's the most fatuous time of the year.
There'll be much clickbait flowing
and insiderrs "knowing" but nothing is near!
It's the most fatuous time of the year...

There'll be panels for hosting
failed GMs all boasting
exactly why they're employed so.
There will be nonstop coverage
of AHL brokerage
while everything moves fucking slow...

It's the most fatuous time of the year.
There'll be much breathless gossip
But it's just a tossup
If there's trades this year!
It's a ridiculous time;
It's the undyingest time;
It's the most fatuous time of the year!

Jump cut! On the next Tradesmas Carol:

record screech
Never gonna give you up,
never gonna send you down,
never gonna shop around and trade you...

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