FanPost

Buh-bye wild: A Eulogy Straight to Hell - NSFW Edition

We gather here today to urinate on the grave of a team that deserves worse than urination now that we realize they exist. A team with a history as inconsequential as the "huge revolution" in transportation that was the Segway. We are talking of course about the Minnesota Who Gives a Flying Fucks, aka, the wild.

Evidently aware of their historic meaningless existence, the wild were in trouble in round 1, down 2-0 to a young and exciting Avalanche team. They were back at home in front of their moronic slack-jawed Nordic yokel fans and coach Mike Yeohole declared a need to "slow the young Av stars down." Fortunately for Yeohole, a couple of fuckheaded fuckity fucks, one with a reputation as the worst cowardly cheap shot fuckhole in NHL history, took his words to heart. Several cheap shots later, including many intentional slashes to the hands, a wicked slew foot takedown along the boards, and a text book knee-on-knee, the WGaFFs had their mission accomplished, intentionally taking out the Avs' best puck moving defenseman and setting the tone for a "well-earned" playoff series win.

Before we get back to the North Stars WGaFFs wild, let's examine the round 1 MVP (Primate) in more detail. Matt "why the fuck is this gutless piece of shit still in the league?" Cooke has a history of intentionally injuring opponents. In addition to a countless number of unpunished events, including one that ended another player's career, he has now been suspended 6 times for a total of 34 games. Cooke claimed to be "reformed" after his prior lengthy suspension, but for anyone who has EVER seen the cowardly fuck play, he's as "reformed" as OJ is still out there looking for the real killers. Cooke is proof positive that "reformed" shit is still shit.

Luckily for Avalanche NHL hockey humanity fans everywhere, the Chicago Blackhawks put the wild out of everyone's viewing displeasure in 6 games to end, by Minnesota standards, a historic NHL playoff run. Now we can look forward to their big contracts getting old but staying on the books, 2 more years of cheap shot fuckery at $3M per from cowardly fuckhole number 1, and the team otherwise slipping back to complete irrelevance. Back to being known for the dumbest team name, worst and most ambiguous team logo, and the winners of free agency when owners were prepping for a lockout. Good riddance assholes.

MileHighHockey.com is a fan community, allowing members to post their own thoughts and opinions on the Colorado Avalanche and hockey in general. These views and thoughts may not be shared by the editors of MileHighHockey.com.

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