i like the way the NHL fucked the Avs by having them play the Kings at 8:30 on sat,then on sun vs the Ducks at 6:00.

also,how about having the Winter Classic in Denver sometime soon.getting really tired of seeing it played in the east with the same fucking teams every other year.

oh yeah.....congrats to Mueller on his performance against the Panthers......things are looking good in Denver!

I've seen a few on youtube such as Marty Turco mocking Pierre Mcguire, Matt Cooke on HBO putting gum in peoples gloves, Hockey Jersey pranks and what not but let's see if anyone has anything new. Several of these are hilarious and I know you all have some, so let's hear them! Anything from the NHL to whatever pranks all of you have seen/experienced. While you're at it, this thread doesn't have to be limited to just pranks so feel free to post anything humorous. Post links if you got one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUw7SvtwQSc&

Mirtle tweeted this after Yip was claimed: " Predators claimed Brandon Yip on waivers. Leafs didn't put in claim. Was surprised the Avs gave up on him, though." (emphasis is mine)

This comment spun in my brain all last night and since it's Friday and the people I am supposed to be monitoring are doing nothing, I will present my thoughts.

Duchene, O'Reilly, Stastny, Stewart, Shattenkirk, Mueller, Galiardi, Jones, Quincey, Wilson, Yip, Cumiskey. What does this group have in common?

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So none of you really know me personally so let's start with a little background. I am 22 and have been smoking since I was 14 and a halfish so let's say I have been smoking for 8 years give or take. Peter Mueller's performance on Wednesday night (I think) has got me thinking. He suffered through 18 months of a concussion. 18 months. This made me think, "well if he can do that, then I can definitely quit smoking". Sure, I have been addicted for years, and may get a headache for a few days, but Mueller has suffered through 18 months of headaches and he has persevered. He is back, and playing great hockey. He has inspired me to quit smoking, so consider this my contract to quit smoking. This is where I may need your help. I may need your support, positive or not, even if it's a "hey shot, how is quitting smoking going?" that'd be great. Whether it's a sarcastic comment or a comment of compassion or sympathy, anything will help. I also challenge all my fellow MHHers to tackle a challenge like I have, with the mindset of "if Mueller came back, then I can totally overcome this challenge". If you have taken the time to read this whole blurb, then thank you and thank you in advance for any support or enlightenment that will (inevitably) give me.

On a side note, for those having a hard time in the job market, may you find a better job and happiness. For those of you who have lost loved ones this past year, may the next year be a year of celebration of their lives and yours. For those of you going through tough times may you find peace. For those of you who need a significant change in their lives, may you find out how to do it and then accomplish it and for those of you serving in our military, whether or not we believe in why you may be over seas, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the sacrifices you have made to keep this country as great as it is.

Darwin bless America (because I do not believe in God or a god, but for those who do, replace Darwin with God or whichever god or supernatural being you may believe in),

Shot

p.s. Fuck the Red Wings and go Avs

Varlamov hasn't given a Russian interview in quite some time, as far as I could find. I gave up stalking the Russian internets very often because there wasn't anything to find. I stumbled upon an interview of Varly published on 1/18/2012. TJ from Alex Ovetjkin blog very nicely translated the interview for us. I updated the post below with TJ's translation, or you can read it here on the Alex Ovetjkin blog. It would be nice if we could leave comments on the blog to thank TJ for the effort (TJ is not a Varly fan, just a nice person).

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You have no idea how clever I think I am for that headline. Now, who is the 5th best player on the Avalanche? We have had, in no particular order other than the order of voting:

1. O'Reilly

2.Duchene

3. Landeskog

and now #4 Stastny

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I can't tell you how many times I've seen it in the media. An athlete does a bad job and doesn't wish to speak to the press, so a reporter tells everybody how the athlete is lacking in class because the reporter got stiffed and lost a story. It is the worst of both worlds because the athlete and reporter come away looking like jerks.

So whenever I see a blog of the variety Mike Chambers wrote when Semyon Varlamov blew him off after getting throttled by the Phoenix Coyotes yesterday, I can only laugh and shake my head. It was the kind of dirty laundry which serves absolutely no purpose outside of portraying Varlamov in a wholly negative light while Chambers does his best to make it look like he did his job in a situation where neither person really did much of anything. They both look like idiots for absolutely no good reason.

The way I see it an interview would have ended two ways.

1. The boring non-story, aka "The Sakic":

Chambers: "What happened out there?"

Varlamov: "Well, ya know we didn't do some of the things you would like to see for us to win and things and stuff...and stuff and things...and...hey is that coffee?"

End Result: Snore.

2. The dickhead, aka "The Avery":

Chambers: "Please explain your performance in this pitiful bloodbath which was all your fault..."

Varlamov: "Kiss my ass!"

End Result: Firestorm!

Instead with Varlamov blowing off the interview we got the best possible reaction from a player/team standpoint. He walked away from a grenade that might screw up his team, and we got the non-story, non-interview which got overblown in the media so a beat reporter could write about something and get paid. Perfection! This is all any reasonable fan wants because it shows that Varlamov cares enough about his game and his team to keep his trap shut and not lose his mind to a reporter. Well played Semyon.

Look, I'm not a professional athlete, although I play one in my own head, but I can sympathize with Varlamov. He just got worked by the Phoenix Coyotes. That is akin to getting beaten up by a class of 6th graders grasping giant inflatable hammers. The Avalanche didn't lose Game 7 to the 'Yotes, but it wasn't pretty either. So what? It is a non-story that cropped up after game 47 of an 82 game season. I'm not going to stop reading The Denver Post if a story about Semyon Varlamov crapping the tub against the Coyotes fails to make it into print during this time of year. Who cares?!

But of course the plot thickened. The way Chambers tells it Varlamov refused an interview, waved him off, and walked away. Which was rude. Fine. Going with the next best thing, Chambers interviewed J.S. Giguere, which is where, stunningly, his blog gets even worse. As if to punish the rest of us for even reading, Chambers states that the interview with Giguere will be in the Denver Post on Monday, and implies that Giguere may have said something important. You can smell the buzz in the air, can't you? I bet you 10/1 that Jiggy didn't say anything more than "he's young and will get over it." But as of this writing we have to wait to get to the bottom of the non-story, non-issue, created after a non-eventful midseason blowout at the hands of a non-team. Fantastic! I'd like an hour of my life back in advance, thanks.

What's worse, I get the idea Chambers did it on purpose because a searing hot non-story during the dog days of hockey is better than the hum-drum reality of crappy hockey in mid-January. I'm probably wrong, but why is Chambers making such a big deal out of not getting a story out of a sulking goaltender?

Writing about hockey can be boring, lame, and difficult. There are long periods when two things happen: jack and squat. Why do you think I crap out these Dog and Ponies at such an erratic rate?! Most games can be summarized in a Facebook status or Tweet. Perhaps Chambers drummed up a story to get readers. It wouldn't be the first time someone in the media did that and it won't be the last.

I'm sure Mike Chambers was stuck between a rock and a hard place when Varlamov refused an interview, and I can sympathize with him, but in creating drama where there was none he went from acting as a journalist and morphed into, well, me. Next time do us a favor Mike and leave the histrionics to those of us who take the time to write about this kind of stupid nonsense for free.

Ok, Landy edged out Stastny and Giggy by one vote to become the #3 player. I don't know about you but the results have surprised me so far.

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Unmitigated Disaster had a good idea and I will do it. But, instead of mocking every word from the absurdly misguided, bizarrely inaccurate, and wildly spurious article from the summer, I will just take one quote and use that as a starting point. I also won't criticize Derek Zona's grammar because that would petty. I am not petty.

"General Manager Greg Sherman is doing his best to build a similarly bad defense 1,000 miles to the south in Colorado"

You know what? He is building a similarly bad defense if the barometer for "bad" is being ranked lower than 16th in Goals Against. If that's true, then they Avs have a bad defense because they are ranked 17th. God, Sherman, you suck.

Now let's take a look at some moronic and asinine charts of the defensive sides and point out how wrong they are.

I assume Edmonton still has that left side because I am putting as much actual research into this as Copper n' Blue did for theirs. But look at how wrong it is for the Avs seeing as Cumiskey was never in the lineup and was traded for the equivalent of a pair of socks. And the right side:

This is wrong again. Who would have thought that the hallowed blog could make a mistake? Also, let's judge everything based on salary. That way we can laugh at how teams are in cap trouble and everyone knows all that matters is the cap hit. Or, or, we could look at actual stats and see how they fare.

GA/G: Edmonton: 2.81, Colorado: 2.82. JESUS CHRIST THEY BLOW THE AVS OUT OF THE WATER. My lord Sherman has built a horrible defensive core. Also, and I am genuinely unsure how this factors in, but the Avs have let in 8 empty net goals to Edmonton's 0. Edmonton SWEEPS the Goals Against per Game category by such a large margin it's laughable. Let's all laugh. LAUGH NOW!

Points by Defensemen: Edmonton: 59, Colorado: 91. That's not good. That's the Avs having a more productive defense. But wait, when you compare the defense of two teams, do you factor in offensive output? I mean, why would you when all that defenseman should do is stop goals from going in, not put them in themselves. Oh well. I guess that concept is too are beyond my hockey intelligence.

Rookie Points by Defensemen: Edmonton: 2, Colorado: 9. The purpose of this stat is really only to say that the Avs have a stud prospect on defense and Edmonton does not. Although, Elliott needs to pick it up or he's going back to LE when O'Brien gets healthy.

Total Games Suspended by Defensemen. Colorado: 0, Andy Sutton: 5 billion. He's a douchebag. I'm an expert.

Should we all take a poll now because, if you do a poll on a fan blog, the results of the poll are a complete and total picture of real life and can guarantee that everything plays out exactly like the results in a fan poll on a fan blog.

P.S. The Avs also were told they have a worst defense than Columbus. Columbus isn't averaging 3.29 goals against or anything. Those CnB voters were dead on.

P.P.S. My favorite part about that article was when Busted Twigg and thedoctor went over nicely to tell them that their facts were wrong regarding the players. Yet, no one even responded to them in a comment nor was a change made. Top notch.

The trade deadline is looming and the blogs are electric with unwarranted anticipation and blind optimism of what this season's trade deadline will hold for each fan's team. There has been talk of Semin and Parise coming to the Mile High City as well as well-spoken, pretentious cynics fashionable shooting down ideas of those names ever lacing them up for the burgundy and blue.

But what of the collateral damage? What player will we give or best (or maybe not so) when we see them shipped to Boston, Toronto or Buffalo?

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