Here's how tuned in I am to the current hockey season: I saw that the Avs were playing the Ducks tonight and I thought to myself, "Self, this will be cake. The Ducks suck this year."
As it turns out, the Ducks sucked this year, very early on, but have since turned that hot mess around and are now not too bad. 11-8-3 isn't great, but it's better than 9-10-0. I mean, if you're going to hover around .500 all season, at least hover above it, right? It's like Louis CK's joke about having a negative bank balance (NSFW without headphones). You have to raise ten bucks just to be broke. That's the way the season is going for the Avs. They have to win another game just to be mediocre.
Anyway, the Ducks have had a recent rough patch, but they're coming off a shootout win against Dallas. The Avs, of course, haven't played a game since November 8 in which the opposing team hasn't gotten at least one point. Sure, Peter Budaj has been awesome not only in regulation but also in shootouts, but the point is to not get to the shootout in the first place. The other team gets at least one point that way, geniuses.
What I wouldn't give to see the Avs play one full game in a cohesive, competent manner, in which they score multiple goals, hold the opposing team to significantly fewer goals, and are declared the winners after just the first 60 minutes. That would be amazing. That would be like an early Christmas present to me, seriously. I'd feel like they just won the Stanley Cup and I'd run around my house wearing just my white Avs jersey and a loin cloth and spray my roommates with warm sparkling grape juice and then go set the neighbor's house on fire Hockeytown Style. But unlike in Hockeytown, my neighbors actually still live there.
Seriously, that's how I would react to the Avs winning a regular season game, against the Ducks, in regulation, in November. It's been a rough year.
ADDENDUM: And, for added chuckles, Joe Sakic has recovered from his back injury just in time...to have a root canal.
ADDENDUM 2: I have no idea why the Ducks logo won't format correctly. It looks stupid floating so high up like that. Sorry. Fixed now.