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I would like to extend a not-so-fond welcome back to the 2008-2009 Colorado Avalanche offense. Last year's inept squad had been absent in early October, but has returned with a bang. The squad is averaging an anemic 2 goals a game over the last 5 games, a pathetic 19 shots a game over the last 3 games and has gone 5 straight games without a power play goal. The proverbial "icing on the cake" of course, was getting shut out by Andrew Raycroft last night.

Officials for the 2008-2009 Colorado Avalanche offense originally claimed the group was away hiking the Appalachian Trail. It has since been revealed that the 2008-2009 Colorado Avalanche offense had been in Argentina with a mistress. Unfortunately, the 2008-2009 Colorado Avalanche offense has indicated that it does not intend to resign and, in fact, intends to be a more integral part of the club going forward.

Fans of the team are on record with the following statement: "uh-oh".