Picture this: Stazz21, IncredibleEdibleYeti and Beachie with bottles of Jameson and Bailey's and an 18-pack of Guiness...watching the first shut out of the Avs' season. Can you see it? Good. Now add in a list of drinking rules to follow while watching the Kings face the Avs at the Pepsi Center. I suspect at this point you're wondering what took place. Well, you're in luck because we've got a running recap of the game. Props to Stazz for recording the festivities. Let the fun begin.
START OF THE FIRST PERIOD
- BLUEBERRIES ENGAGED!
- Haynes is setting us up for another Richardson Hat Trick jinx. (drink 1 swig)
- Kings clog up the middle so the good guys can't get any offense going. Bastards.
- Andy makes a nice save on a few Kings chances around the 16 and a half mark.
- Fleischman-Duchene-Jones is one of the lines. Gali-Stastny-Porter is our other top 6 line. Let the debate begin as to who is the top line.
- Mauldin-Radar-Winnik is our third line. Nice line, but it's a little disappointing to not see the Gags-Radar-Winnik line, especially with Winnik sporting an awesome shiner.
- McNabb again mentions a Richardson hattie...goddammit. (1 swig)
- Another jinx...Avs 10-1 when Avs score two goals. (1 swig)
- Group decision made for the first TV timeout: we're rocking an Irish Car Bomb for Holøs playing...because he's so Irish.
- Not a bad little chance for Jones and Duchene on a half 2-on-1 around the 12 and a half mark. (1 swig)
- Quick gloves a nice high shot by Radar. TV TIMEOUT! Yeti is heading to the bar to make our Irish Car Bombs.
- First Car Bomb successful if not a little Guinness heavy. We'll see how my typing goes from here.
- McNabb jinxes the Blueberries' undefeatedness. (1 swig)
- Beachie says, "I f*cking hate Quick" after he makes a nice save with Mauldin crashing the net.
- 1 swig for the first Suba-cool commercial. It's going to be a fun night.
- Swig for the 8 games with 3 goals apiece mention: more potential jinxes. I think we may have to tone down the jinxing drinks.
- F*CK! Kings with some really nice pressure, Scuderi puts in a goal. Brown made a really nice move on the goal line, and Kopitar picked up the puck behind the net, made a great pass to Scuderi who nets his first goal of the season. We're not drinking for that first goal stuff cuz I'm sure that any other King who needs a first goal this year will score tonight. After all, that's how we roll.
- A Hunwick pinch leads to a nice opportunity to try and tie it up. Quick proves worthy though, dammit.
- We like this stat: Avs 1 game over .500 when giving up first goal. Did I just jinx us for typing this?
- Stastny and Duchene appear to be double shifting with Dupuis and Yip on the 4th line...which is a pretty sexy fourth line if I don't say so myself.
- Beachie's dog being weird on the carpet in the middle of the room. I'm taking that as a good omen. On a semi-related note, Flash and Duchene look like they've got some mojo going on tonight. And Jonesey is working hard.
- O'BYRNE lays someone the f*ck out. We're drinking!
- Dupuis showing why he is, in my opinion, the unsung hero of the year so far with some nice forecheck. I heart him.
- Does anyone know what happened to Winnik's eye? It's disgusting. Yeti says his wife beat him...so he wasn't really ill last game against the Habs, eh?
- McNabb will not shut up about Richardson and his Hattie against the Avs earlier this year.(multiple swigs)
- The Kings are a pretty hard working team. If I didn't hate them, I might like them.
- Andy makes a nice save on Williams with 12 seconds left. That was a result of some nice work by one Ryan Smyth. Anyone recognize him?
- Yeti:"It almost seemed like typical Avs hockey where it seems like we're getting out played but we're getting equal quality chances because our guys are getting quality chances. But not enough rebounds and not enough 'TRAILERS!!!!'"
- Beachie: "The Avs are matching the physicality of the Kings which I think is disrupting the Kings style of game a little bit, but the Kings are doing a good job of clogging up the middle and preventing the Avs from using their speed. In general, I think the Kings outplayed them."
- Stazz: "I just hope the Avs win because my ex is a Kings fan and that will keep her from randomly contacting me to talk shit."
- Interview with Kopitar...Beachie's well thought-out analysis..."God he is one of the ugliest people ever."
- Yeti says that in five or six years, Duchene will be a really hot and sexy face of the franchise. He feels dirty about saying that because Ducnehe's only 19 and can't really grow a playoff beard yet.
START OF THE SECOND
- Radar's line starts the 2nd. Let the drinking continue.
- Delayed penalty.....looks like we're drinking. Darth Mauldin high sticks someone. Refs are racists. Doughty Dive...Double D. We're pissed and drinking our sorrows away. But seriously, Doughty got hit in the shoulder and then grabbed his face a full two seconds later to draw the penalty. That was "Crosbyish" crying. Anyone with more than a 13 in. TV screen could've seen that crap.
- Penalty killed. F*ck you, Doughty.
- Looks like Yip was getting some time with Flash and Duchene.
- Kings with a short little flurry there, but Radar keeps his poise and clears a rebound. We could've cleared that one quicker though.
- Mauldin keeps the puck in...good shift by this third line, Foote showing some initiative pinching but alas, it is cleared. And we're drinking for a hard hit that I didn't really see. We're probably not drinking enough for hits. Or for potential jinxes. Or for the Suba commercials. DVRs rock.
- F*cking hell. O'Byrne-Liles pass gets turned over, and Doughty makes us pay. 2-0 Kings with 13:29 left. Richardson from Doughty and Brown. We're doing a Car Bomb for an Ex-Av goal. Let the drunkenness begin. Lordy lord.
- Well, this is interesting because the Avs never seem to be down by 2. I'd like to see a stat about how many minutes this team is actually trailing. And how much they are down by more than 1 goal. (Get on it, stat geeks.)
After that goal, I've had one Guinness and two car bombs. Yeti has had a little more because, according to Beachie, "YOU'RE A DRUNK!" To that, Yeti replied, "...yeah."
- Another potential jinx when McNabb says, "They have them right where they want them" referring to the Avs 9 wins when they give up the first goal. (1 swig)
- Holøs had the puck, and Beachie said, "Go Go Go my Norwegian honey!" I'll leave the sarcastic comments to all of you MHHers.
- Yip throws an elbow behind the play. I like a little elbow behind the play. Cue TWSS.
- Duchene with some good effort. Jones had all sorts of space off that work, and Quick made the save. But we're still pressuring around nine and half left in the 2nd.
- Beachie is creeped out by the Ovechkin commercials. Just thought I'd let y'all know.
- Porter with a nice steal, leads to a good chance, but more Quick saves. "Quick needs to go to hell. Quickly." --Beachie and Yeti. I'm sensing a theme.
- Radar's line with a good push, leading to a powerplay. Tripping on Lewis. Good work by O'Reilly and his entire line, but mostly Radar.
- First powerplay of the night. Let's see how McNabb jinxes it. He's mentions that we're third best in the league. (1 swig)
- Shattenkirk kills the PP by "interfering" with Brown. F*ck you, refs. Four on four time. Beachie claims conspiracy, and Yeti gives her her tin-foil cap.
- Fleischmann with some hard work leading to an okay Foote shot.
- Kings on a shortened powerplay, thanks to Kirk's "interference". Nervous....
- Killed. F*ck you, Zebras. Wilson was pretty strong on that one.
- Apparently, Marco Sturm is making his LAK debut tonight, but none of us have noticed him. I shouldn't have typed that because he's bound to score now.
- Refs miss a blatant trip by a King. "When is karma gonna hit?" asks Yeti.
- Andy with a nice save on one Ryan Smyth. Saved us from Car Bombing it.
- We just realized that both Yeti and Stazz are wearing our streak shirts (random sweaters) and Beachie is NOT SPORTING ANYTHING! WTF?!?! So now we've paused it for her to decide what to put on. She's putting on the Duchene Blueberry. (Holy shit, it's signed! Speechless.)
- Wilson with a decent hit (1 swig) after kinda turning the puck over. Kings with some decent pressure, but Foote and Stastny clear it out.
- ANDY with a NICE save on Kopitar! Hellz yeah! O'Byrne topples a guy. I think he may have missed his calling as a linebacker for the Broncos.
- One minute left in the 2nd...let's see if anything interesting happens. Looks like we're drinking for a hit I didn't see. Bottoms up!
- END OF TWO The score is Kings 2, Avs 0, Carbombs 2, Guiness 1.5. (Editor's note: this alcohol stat is way off. Trust me.)
- Yeti: "My pants fell down in the bathroom on my way to the restroom....Thank God Beachie wasn't in there. We could've done better. Meaning both me and the Avs."
- Beachie: "Two things: 1. I hate Quick. 2. Frustrating."
- Stazz: "I hope she's not watching. F*ck the Kings!"
- Obviously, the drinks are catching up to us.
- Duchene with a nice steal, poke checked away, but we get it into the zone for some pressure. Leads to not much in the end, but good work.
- Wilson hits the f*ck out of someone, and we're drinking.
- We're behind on the game, but Beachie just got a text that read: "Oh f*ck." I'm hoping that's a good sign.
- Replay of the Wilson hit. I'm drinking on it again! Bitch, gimme your lunch money!
- Good pressure by the Stastny line with Hunwick at the point around 15 left. Another hit (causing us to drink) by Foote. Down goes Brown. Hehe.
- OH'Byrne totally just f*cked a guy up. Drink. Ponikarovsky (yeah, not trying to spell that right) got owned.
- Hunwick with some good physicality, Andy shuts the door, Stastny loses his helmet, which is hot. Foote and Simmonds tied up in a kinda fight. But not really.
- First toast of the night goes to Stastny losing his helmet f*cking with Simmonds. Simmonds and Foote go to the box, giving us a 4-on-4. That's what you get when you hug each other when there's hockey being played.
- F*CK! Kopitar with some good work on Shatty, Hunwick does nothing, and Brown scores. 3-0. Doughty and Kopitar with the assists. McNabb lusts after Kopitar, causing us to drink, which is fine cuz I'd like to forget that goal.
- Holøs with a shot; we're drinking. It's not part of the rules, but we're just drinking for drinking's sake.
- Andy robs Kopitar. That was nice. And a Kings shot off the post. "I love you post," says Beachie. She wants to do a pole dance on that post. I lol'd.
- Kopitar's on the screen. Ugly POS. In a completely unrelated note, Sacco calls the timeout. Beachie is changing from Duchene to Liles. Yeti and Stazz's lucky sweaters don't seem to be working out. There could be a strip show with five minutes left.
- During our potty break, we paused the game and saw both Wilson and Shatty in the same f*cking corner. No one is covering Kopitar, who is cruising to the net like a North Korean missile headed towards Seoul. I blame Budaj.
- Kopitar is going to the box for slashing, that cheating Slovenian. If it wasn't slashing, the call would be for "Being Too Ugly". I hope they score, cuz we've got a Car Bomb waiting if the Avs go Oh-fer on the PP tonight. SHIIIIT!
- DUCHENE! But he posts it...GODDAMMIT! GOD F*CKING DAMMIT! HEART A-F*CKING-TACK! GAH! We needed that one badly. (Plus Yeti would've had to do a Car Bomb.)
- Altitude graphic is a jinx...13 PP goals in 14 games. Swig it.
- WIlson-Hunwick is such a great PP duo. Yeti says, "I've got a bad feeling about this." And the PP is over. Kitten killed. And Quick makes another save. And I just finished my 3rd Guinness on top of 2 Car Bombs, if you're keeping score.
- We all need another car bomb. Let's hope it's cuz Stastny, Duchene, and Liles score by the end of the game.
- Looks like we've got a penalty called....Brown's going to the box. Brown is the ugliest color in the spectrum. Cue kittens.
- Well. Brown just made me pay for the ugliest color comment. FML. Foote is slow. Brown from Smyth (swig) and Scuderi.
- Beachie always being positive: "On the plus side, this is humbling them."
- McNabb is already calling it with 4 and a half left. But...I guess that's not that out of line. However, if any team can score 4 goals in 4 minutes, it's us. Heh.
- We're jinx drinking cuz McNabb said we're gonna lose (I think we just wanna drink). And he has future jinxed us by saying the Kings are 2-0 against us. (Another drink.)
- Stazz and Beachie (both of whom have lived a significant part of their lives in California) are bitching about not being able to buy booze at 7-11. Political fight ensues, distracting us from the horridocity of the game. (Yeah, I just made that word up.) 4:12 left.
- F*CK YOU QUICK! Huge save on someone around 2:45 left.
- Delayed penalty on the Avs. That'll be a drink. 4 shorties in 2 minutes, anyone?
- Or not. PP goal after like a half a second. Faceoff win by Stoll, Williams with a HUGE blast in the upper right corner from Jack Johnson and Stoll. For those of you who care, Beachie had just said "Why can't Williams score" cuz he's on her Fantasy team. 5-0. F*ck f*ck f*ck. (Beachie's edit: we were about 5 minutes behind on the game cuz of DVR goodness...thus I didn't jinx a damn thing!)
- Seriously, I cannot say anything more truthful right now: I REALLY hope my ex-girlfriend is not watching this game.
- Another missed call by the refs, big trip missed. Beachie wants her tinfoil hat.
- Game over. First shut out of the season against the Avs. Any Avs fan who has Quick on his or her fantasy team should kill themselves. Now I'm gonna count up all the Altiboobs jinxes and pour some Car Bombs.
- Yeti: "When you skate like a junior team, you're gonna get f*cked like a junior team. And I don't mean hot 18-year-olds picking up high school chicks." (Yes, I am grabbing his keys.)
- Beachie: "Oh God, I had it in my head hold on....oh, my recaap is...SHIT, I'm going to have a big bar tab when I get back to LA. This was a humbling experience for both the Avs and me."
- Stazz: "No Facebook comments yet! Looks like she wasn't watching! Win for me!"
- Final Score: Kings 5, Avs 0
1. Dustin Brown (ugliest color in the spectrum) 2g, 2a
2. Jonathan Quick (in bed) 23 saves,shut out
3. Rob Scuderi (*insert sarcastic comment here*) 1g, 1a, game winning goal
Galiardi-Stasnty-Porter (no wonder we lost, that's our first line?)
Defense (Same as always):
- Final count on the McJinx totals: three, and we discounted the two about the powerplay cuz we didn't get a lot of PP time. Good lord.
- Ex-Avs curse is alive and well (we hate you, Richardson)
- Wilson +/- 0 with 19 minutes of ice time (can you believe it)
- Fleischman and Duchene -3. So much for our 1st and 2nd stars. 2 total shots. Awesome.
- Shiney Forehead Award goes to Mark Rycroft.
- Carbombs: 5, additional pints of Guiness: 3. (We bought an 18 pack and had to purchase more.)
5-0. Figure it out on your own.
Minnesota Thursday when I've sobered up. Hopefully.