Northwest Check - "With The Force of a Great Typhoon" Edition

I'll level with you. I'm pissed off about the egg the Avalanche laid against Columbus last night so I'm going to keep this brief so looking at the standings doesn't cause my hair to catch on fire from all the fuming I'm doing over here (ya I mad, bro).

Calgary produced exactly the same week as last week with their 1-1-1 record, essentially gaining no ground but hanging around just enough that I'm forced to scoreboard watch all of their excruciatingly uninteresting games. I can't wait for three more weeks to pass and for me to bust out the cliched "DOUSE THE FLAMES CUZ THEY'RE DONE" jokes. I make no apologies for not being original, I just want these jokers playing golf when the second season starts. Ugh. Moving on.

Edmonton...still exists geographically, I guess. Their hockey team is essentially irrelevant, their fan base split into two increasingly psychotic factions ("WATCH OUT NHL HURR WE COME LOLZ" and "STFU you morons and take another drink because this is pointless"), and their GM continuing to be one of the highlights of my life simply by existing. I may not love standup comedy but I will stop whatever I'm doing to listen to Steve Tambellini speak. So there's that, I guess.

Minnesota is stilhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Vancouver just keeps swimming along happily, giving up points only to teams the Avalanche need them to beat in regulation and still finding a way to extend the conference lead because Detroit's return to Earth has begun. Hopefully Vancouver is enjoying their ezbreezy season right now because their real test hasn't really started yet. The Canucks addition of raging rhino Zack Kassian will only help increase their "the world hates us wahwahwah" factor because he's kind of a tool and should fit in well wherever Maxim Lapierre is.

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All standings related info taken from NHL.com...

Calgary Flames

Last Week: 1-1-1 4-5 OTL vs. PHI, 1-3 L vs. STL, 4-2 W @ PHX

Conference Standing: 11th Place

Overall Rankings:

• Goals For: 2.38 (25th)
  
• Goals Against: 2.64 (12th)
  
• Power Play %: 17.5 (15th)
  
• Penalty Kill %: 82.9 (11th)

This Week: The Flames can probably put a dagger in the playoff hopes of the disappointing Ducks with a win Friday at Anaheim but knowing Calgary they'll screw something up (go Ducks) before heading back to the wasteland they call home and will host another playoff contender Dallas on Sunday night and another non-playoff contender (how you screw that up in the East I have no idea...) in Montreal on Tuesday night. Should be at least 4 points for Calgary this week so let's hope they get zero and their calculators catch on fire because they're doing it wrong.

News: Trade deadline day was a quiet one in Calgary as their decision to be as mediocre as possible for as long as possible was reinforced by Jay Feaster's vote of confidence in this utterly useless squad.

Al MacInnis was recently honored for being a big pimp.

As Iginla goes, so go the Flames, essentially.

A few days old but nonetheless appropriate as the Flames put their season on the line with their current road trip.

Transactions: Recalled G Leland Irving from Abbotsford, re-assigned F Krys Kolanos to Abbotsford.

Injuries:

• David Moss is on IR with a foot injury.
• Lee Stempniak is out with a high ankle sprain.
• Blair Jones is on IR with a fractured ankle.
• Mikael Backlund is on IR with an upper body injury.

Colorado Avalanche

Last Week: 3-1-0 5-0 W @ CBJ, 4-3 W @ DET, 4-1 W vs. ANA, 0-2 L vs. CBJ (salgfkahst;lakjhtafsdv)

Conference Standings: 10th place

Overall Rankings:

• Goals For: 2.48 (22nd)
  
• Goals Against: 2.68 (15th)
  
• Power Play %: 18.5 (12th)
  
• Penalty Kill %: 81.6 (19th)

This Week: Another very busy week for the Avalanche kicks off Saturday against the overachieving Penguins in Denver before the team has an absurdly important home-and-home series versus Minnesota, starting Sunday in Minneapolis and concluding Tuesday back home in Denver. The Avalanche then pack the bags and hit up Nashville on Thursday. Need another 6 this week, boys.

Edmonton Oilers

Last Week: 1-2-0 1-3 L vs. PHX, 5-3 W @ WPG, 2-5 L vs. STL

Conference Standings: 14th place

Overall Rankings:

• Goals For: 2.64 (14th)
  
• Goals Against: 2.94 (25th)
  
• Power Play %: 21.7 (1st)
  
• Penalty Kill %: 82.2 (14th)

This Week: Edmonton continues I guess what could be considered a spoiler role as they play several teams still playing important games, starting Friday versus Dallas and continuing on to California for contests Monday at Anaheim and Tuesday at San Jose before being relegated to playing in a game absolutely nobody will care about Thursday when Montreal comes calling. No troll points in that game, at least!

News: Apparently I'm not the only one who doesn't care about Edmonton because they're writing about jersey numbers up in that piece. Seriously.

The subtitle of this article is all you need to know about the 2011-12 Edmonton Oilers.

Seriously nobody cares anymore. Even the writers are bashing their faces against their laptops in hopes of making it stop.

The Baby Oilers are looking to be babied a bit more by the officials.

Transactions: Reassigned F Anton Lander to Oklahoma City, traded D Tom Gilbert in exchange for D Nick Schultz.

Injuries: None, apparently. Wow.

Minnesota Wild

Last Week: 1-2-1: 1-4 L @ DAL, 4-3 W vs. SJ, 0-4 L vs. LA, 4-5 OTL @ MTL

Conference Standing: 12th place

Overall Rankings:

• Goals For: 2.14 (29th)
• Goals Against: 2.56 (10th)
• Power Play %: 15.4 (25th)
• Penalty Kill %: 82.3 (12th)

This Week: For an already floundering Minnesota team, this week will go a looooong ways towards determining how much longer they can be included in the playoff race. A Friday night tilt at Detroit isn't too promising but a hame-and-home series with Colorado Sunday at home and Tuesday in Denver will be monumental for both teams. The Wild finish out their week against white-hot Phoenix in Glendale.

News: I started to find interesting news stories about the Wild but I already shot that wad in the introduction. In case you somehow missed it, though, hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Seriously watch it a third time. You'll thank me. hahahahahahahahaha

Transactions: Re-assigned F Carson McMillan, F Chad Rau, and G Matt Hackett to Houston, lost F Brad Staubitz to Montreal via re-entry waivers, traded D Marek Zidlicky in exchange for F Nick Palmieri, F Stephane Veilleux, D Kurtis Foster, a conditional 2012 second round draft pick, and a conditional 2013 third round pick, traded D Nick Schultz for D Tom Gilbert, traded D Greg Zanon for D Steven Kampfer.

Injuries: Lazy copy/paste mode ENGAGE.

• Guillaume Latendresse has been diagnosed with concussion symptoms and is on Injured Reserve.
• Pierre-Marc Bouchard has concussion symptoms and is on Injured Reserve.
• Clayton Stoner suffered a lower body injury on February 4 and was placed on injured reserve on February 9.
• Mikko Koivu is currently out with an upper body injury. He has been shut down until March 13, when he will be reevalutated.
• Mike Lundin suffered a lower body injury and was placed on injured reserve on February 19.

Vancouver Canucks

Last Week: 2-0-2 2-1 W @ NJ, 2-3 OTL @ DAL, 1-2 OTL @ PHX, 2-0 W vs. STL

Conference Standing: 1st place

Overall Rankings:

• Goals For: 3.06 (4th)
  
• Goals Against: 2.29 (5th)
  
• Power Play %: 21.4 (3rd)
  
• Penalty Kill %: 86.7 (5th)

This Week: Vancouvers Troll Train rolls on this week thankfully in a week not littered with games that Colorado will care too much about. The Canucks host Buffalo on Saturday before getting two days off and playing what is inevitably to be a 3-point game vs. Dallas Tuesday night and then hosting Winnipeg Thursday. Ugh. I hate asking these clowns for help.

News: Lots of thoughts about the Cody Hodgson deal from around the internets, starting with this pretty level-headed response about how Hodgson was always destined to be traded.

...and then there's this doom and gloom proclamation of imminent failure.

And of course it didn't take long for someone to paint Hodgson in as negative a light as possible in an attempt to blame the outgoing party for the divorce.

If you have some time, this is a fun post to read.

Transactions: Traded D Sebastien Erixon for F Andrew Gordon, traded D Taylor Ellington and two 2012 4th round picks for F Samuel Pahlsson, traded F Cody Hodgson and D Alexander Sulzer for F Zack Kassian and D Marc-Andre Gragnani, re-assigned F Byron Bitz to Chicago.

Injuries:

• Steve Pinizzotto is out indefinitely with a shoulder injury
• Aaron Volpatti is out 4-6 months with a shoulder injury.
• Andrew Ebbett is out 4-6 weeks with a collar bone injury.