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What to Expect When You're Expecting...

From the desk of the MHH begrudgen' curmudgeon.

By Mike @ MHH
Ethan Miller

...a gongshow on defense.  Now, I know what you're saying, "Great, here's another Debbie Downer post from Mike telling me how horrific the team will be this year."  Unfortunately for all of you unique flowers out there, you're wrong.  Again.  Here's what I'm going to look forward to this season INSTEAD of worrying about the lackluster defense anchored by MHH Fan Favorite Matt Hunwick.

  • The .gif (pronounced like the first part of "gift" because that's what they are) parade of Coach Roy's faces when he sees/hears something incredulous from a ref.
  • Watching Ryan "Mack Truck" Wilson destroy Zach Parise with a hip check.  Wilson will then immediately go on IR for two months. We'll nod collectively and decide it was worth it.
  • Starting an internet brawl with Arctic Ice Hockey when we insist on referring to the Jets as the Coyotes.  When they point out that they were, in fact the Thrashers, we'll drop the mic as we laugh!!
  • Starting a campaign to get major media outlets (OK, just Dater) to use the "Balls!" nickname when talking about Andre Benoit.  Now that I think of it, we need to take it a step further.  Every time Benoit gets a goal or assist, some MHH faithful needs to be on hand to throw a pair of Truck Nuts on the ice.
  • Don Cherry's explaining away Nathan MacKinnon's first exuberant goal celebration as pure clean Canadian goodness and love of the game.  Then Ron McLean will remind him that MacK is from Nova Scotia and Cherry will be fired for the off-color "Bluenoser" remark uttered under his breath.
  • Banning anybody who doesn't refer to a line that contains both Matt Duchene and Ryan O`Reilly as Slap Fight.  It just makes sense, right?  Can you hear the conversations now?? "Who's Roy starting tonight?"  Answer: Slap Fight.  "Which line got the game-tying goal?"  Slap Fight.  "Who's gonna be the shootout trio? Slap Fight.  "Who's that cherry-pickin' when we're up 3 goals?" Slap Fight.
  • And finally, I expect to ignore SixWhores insistence on a Goal Anatomy after every game.  Those things are like mana from heaven.  Don't ask, just bask in their greatness when I deign to hand them down to you like sauce from a drive-thru window.