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Dazzling Davidoff's Amazing Prescient Recap

I boldly predict that this will have happened...IN THE PAST!!!
I boldly predict that this will have happened...IN THE PAST!!!
Doug Pensinger

Greetings, mortals. Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Dazzling Davidoff, guest recapper for the evening and I am here to amaze you with my AMAZING POWERS. You see, my friends, I can see the future. To prove this, I earlier wrote down some bold (BOLD!) predictions for tonight's game and now, through the power of the pre-schedule feature of this here fine blog (which will be bought by Groove Subaru in 2015, by the way), I will reveal my predictions. Read them and be amazed. And, uh, pretend this is a proper recap.


The Minnesota Wild scored first. You read it here first, non-special people.


Greg Zanon will be on the ice for two Wild goals (that's Wild goals, not wild goals). Do not feel so sorry for Mr Zanon, though. When he retires from hockey, he goes on to have a wonderful career as the Travelocity Gnome. Laugh if you will, but that's a sweet gig.


Cal Clutterbuck will turtle more than once in the game. In the not-too-distant future, Clutterbuck's career will come to a tragic end when during a routine physical, doctor's discover that he is missing a backbone. Dazzling Davidoff told you this first. Always remember.


Cody McLeod will fight with Zenon Konopka, winning by a ZKO. What, Dazzling Davidoff may not use stupid puns? Is that even a pun?


The Wild announcers will make note of at least 3 penalties on the Avs' that were not called, and 2 penalties on the Wild that should not have been called. As exasperated as they will be, these penalties will have no impact on the game, as neither team will convert a, how you say, a play of power?


No Avalanche player will be hurt during the game. One will pull a hamstring during warmups and another will be run over by the team bus after the game, however.


Matt Hunwick will get caught up ice, leading to an odd-man rush in the other direction. You will only know this by reading it here, as the Altitude announcers will not reveal his name because of the top secret Avalanche Witless Protection Program


Tyson Barrie will score his first NHL goal, and will be immediately taken out of the game and traded to Calgary.


Ryan O'Reilly will not play in the game. This bold prediction was mostly to impress Stefka, who I will someday throw over my shoulder and carry to my secluded cabin in Siberia where...wait, I've said too much already. They may be watching.


One of you will giggle every time Clayton Stoner's name is mentioned.

As for the rest of the game...well, the Dazzling Davidoff can't reveal ALL of his secrets, now can he?