Game 44 Preview: Edmonton Oilers at Colorado Avalanche

In theory, this preview should kick all sorts of ass. It's the last game in this fucked up, half-assed season that I'll be writing about, so I should totally be throwing my proverbial weight behind this. This should be the Chuck Norris of ass-kicking Colorado Avalanche previews. Or, at least, the Bruce Lee.

It's not going to happen. This is really going to be more like Steven Seagal on the ass-kicking scale. And I don't even mean Segal in his "prime". This preview is totally going to wear a track suit to the mall and it will be sporting a cheesy ponytail while mumbling out of the side of it's mouth. I'm sorry *grabs a handful of cheetos* but I have more or less checked out on this season AND I will be on vacation to sunny Detroit okay, Disney World starting tomorrow.

I hear the Avalanche are doing quite well lately, and I saw somewhere that Varlamov and Hejduk will play today. That's a good thing, because the Edmonton Oilers are red hot. And, of course, I mean that they are totally doing great at sucking on purpose so that they can win their 111th consecutive lottery pick which, of course, would be a new record (gosh, I sure do hope they take a forward this time). They've scored just 7 goals in their last 6 games - all losses - and I don't even need to tell you that that means bad bad things for the Avalanche.

I might have to check this one out...but I probably won't. Better luck next year, Avalanche.