Game 46 Recap: Avs rule, Hawks drool

Things started off totally freaking awesome as Erik Johnson wanted to be like Tom Sestito and took an interference penalty like a second into the game. yay. Roster so depleted Holden on starting PK unit. more yay. Super active PK cuz they gotz all diz energy. And Andre Benoit took a shot off the foot and limped his way to the bench and straight to the tunnel to 'walk it off'. Walk baby walk. Looking at playing 16 guys tonight. How freaking cool is that? BEER LEAGUE GAME! After a goal review (Varly got shoved into the net and that's a goal and shit I guess), Balls came back to the bench. Yay! "FUCKING FUCK FUCK," he said. "Why didn't Roy call someone up, god damn it?" Trainer replied, "Quit your bitching. I thought you were a hockey player." "I AM A HOCKEY PLAYER. But it hurts." "Here, I got somefin for dat." Benoit has a goofy grin on his face now.

Penalty dust. Hawks got about as much action on it as a basement blogger. Factor came down the right side and was tripped up right outside the crease and went flying into the net. Figured if the Hawks could get a goal review from bodies in the net, he could too! Sorry, son. Ain't playing that way.

Hawks came back and hacked the shit at Varly and he be mad.

You know what makes me mad? Blackhawks fans. Fuck 'em. (Except the Mrs. Chiapet and kids)

OMG time in the Hawks zone! Well shit, that lasted all of 10 seconds. More time in the Hawks zone. Duchene dekes his way to get a chance and is mauled for his effort. Was still looking like a promising shift...until I realized he was double shifting with the fourth line.

My god, this is going to be a long game. Ten minutes in and all but a minute of the game has been in the d zone.

WOOOHOOO! Another penalty! This time it's Landy heading for shame with a hooking call. Yo, Landy, you make a gazillion dollars. You don't have to put on the red light.

You know what was an important part of the game plan for tonight? Staying out of the box. Yeah, that's working well. Another kill tho. yay.

Varly got one in on one of them bastards, tripping him up in his crease, and raised his hands like Pronger saying, "What?" Got away with it too. Know what? He's been the only reason this game wasn't already 10-0, so he can do whatever the fuck he wants.

Hahaha. This is gonna be the Chicago Blackhawks' commercial to show how fucking good they are. Fucking fuck em.

Oh, by the way, the Holden at forward experiment was nixed cuz of Sarich's backside. He be with Benoit.

BARRIE BOMB! DRINK!!! Just so ya know, the forward line was Bordy, Mitchell and Landy. Mmmkay. Wilson and Barrie were on the points. God, Barrie sucks. Send him down to Lake Erie, already. (Yes, the horse is bloody pulp of a mess. What of it? Huh? HUH?)

I hear Bubblegum moaning downstairs. I'm hoping it's cuz he's sick cuz otherwise... Wait. Where the fuck are all my Kleenex boxes???

So, who thinks the folks over at Second City are losing their minds right now? (HANDS UP!) First, Varly stones them left and right (it's legal here, folks. WTF you think is gonna happen?) and then the Avs score on their 100th second in the Hawks' zone. (I made that number up.) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Fuck. My glass is empty. Commercial over.

HEY! Avs are on the power play cuz Versteeg turned on his red light. No not that one. The kind in which he'd be posing in windows, yo.

GOOOAAAAAALLLL! O'Reilly says, "FUCK YOU" to the Hawks and snipes one top shelf from the crease.

My it's quiet in that arena.

More hooking! I'm starting to think hockey players just like to get laid for cash.

Almost scored again! Then Ben Smith came back with a shorty chance. Varly laughed at him.

Sigh. This power play wasn't as fun as the last one. Booooo.

GLASS IS STILL EMPTY. Where is my fucking butler? "BUUUUUBS!"

O'Reilly makes his backhanded snipes look so easy Cliche thought he could do one. What a maroon.

A new type of penalty! Talbot for slashing with 1:27 left in the first. More active PKing going on. Cliche with a breakaway! Sharp dove to stop him, Crawford made the save, and sphincters clinched all across Chitown. Sharpee looks hurtee on the benchee, too.

The Hawks moved the puck around a lot on the PP but didn't score, doing their best "Shane O'Brien in a nightclub" impression. Sooooo, Barrie and O'Reilly send the good guys into the locker room up by two. Kay, MORE WINE PLEASE.

Is "I, Frankenstein" some kind of sequel to "I, Robot"?

So this is what I'm faced with tonight. She had surgery last night. She knows I'm giving her all the treats, love and nonnoms she wants. I try to say no, but....sigh. That face.

Barrie looks much more comfortable in interviews. Holden, take note!

I need blue cheese crusted filet mignon in port mushroom sauce to go with this wine. Where the fuck is that chef? MAAAATTTTTT! (Yes, there was some whine with that cheese. What of it?)

SECOND PERIOD GOGOGO!

Crap. Another penalty! Hawks got a power play as Duchene channeled his inner Norman Bates. But lol the Avs continued to wag their PK mojo like Ron Jeremy.

Of all guys you want springed (sprunged?) on the end of a PK, it is Duchene, but Crawford just got a piece of his shot. It was fun while it lasted, tho. He, McGinn and O'Reilly generated some more chances, swarming like flies on shit. Nothin' for it, tho.

Damn, 13 minutes left in the second and Chicago only has 20 shots on net? Goodwill bling, apparently.

VARLY with grand larceny on Kane!! Thank you thank you thank you! Varly pushed off on the right skate and saw that puck all the way from Kane's stick to his glove.

I fucking HATE Chelsea Dagger.

Stop sucking Hawk dick, McNab. K thanks.

OKAY ASSHOLES WHO POUND ON THE GLASS: STOP IT FFS! You look like idiots.

Oh my, MacK. Why you so good at hockey? First he's all over whats-his-face like white on rice (WTF does that mean anyway?) into the d-zone and then you blink and he's making a steal at the Hawks' blueline for a scoring op. Wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff.

Barrie with an O'Reilly-level steal!

The Altiboobs are talking about the Hawks Olympic representatives. Oh my is that team going to be filled with tired players. A road trip straight into the Olys?

Malone, you are not a face off man.

Skating is hard for Holden. Fortunately, Malkin likes to be flashy and hog the puck like McGinn hogs bacon.

Okay, is skating hard for Sharp or is diving easy? McGinn to the box with less than 20 segundos left. But they were like a guy who's been snipped: shooting blanks, baby.

End o' second, and Odouya (Oh yes I do) had made it 2-1.

Okay, so hits is about as useful a stat as +/-, but 22 to 7?? The Avs throwin' dem bodies around! Wait. Holden is leading in ice time? Yeah, he's having a good game, but really, Roy?

Startin' the third on a PK. Hawkies get some shots, Avs get some clears. Penalty ends with the score still 2-1 bb.

UMAD SECOND CITY?

Landy with an almost Forsberg moment coming up the right side, pushing off the dude along the boards, but totally not a Forsberg moment cuz the only guys that can have a Forsberg moment are Peter Forsberg and Peter Forsberg.

Mack Truck draws a penalty on Kane...STICK HANDLING UP THE SLOT. #ThingsYouNeverThoughtYou'dSee

The Avs PP is kinda poopoo but not total poopoo so that's good. I mean, it's not like the kind of poopoo you see from a one-year-old who overloads his diapers and has stuff squish out the sides.

"Duchene banged another one!' #HockeyPorn "Duchene explodes it up top." #MoreHockeyPorn

You can tell MacKinnon is a rookie cuz he needs some direx from his teammates about positioning at times. Interesting to see Barrie doing it.

Have I told you how much I hate Chelsea Dagger?

Okay, Avalanchees. Let's get another one and quiet this fucking place down again. GOGOGO

Altiboobs talking about how EJ hasn't been out on the ice for a while. Told ya we were goin' beer league tonight. (Oh and FUUUUUUUCK)

Funny commercials are so much more betterer than serious one. "Doesn't mean...it shouldn't be." Lame.

Well, Holden has made it to the big time, paired with Jan Hejda on the first pairing. I will say it again, with no offense to Holden, FUUUUUUUUUCK.

So, Johnson hurt sometime during the second. No wonder the third has been even more of a scramble.

Okay, so Nicky H. really is having a good game. I mean, good god, where the hell did this Holden come from? Unlike Jonathan Quick, having a kid seems to give NH some jump. (Maybe it's being away from a newborn and getting some sleep.)

Johnson with a back injury. Have I told you how I feel about this? Well, just in case, I'll tell you again: FUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

So if MacKinnon had someone other than Mitchell on his wing right then, that would've been a solid scoring chance. But since he doesn't, his work was a wasted effort.

HYBRID ICING CAN SUCK IT! O'Reilly does his best Duchene impression and gets there first.

Apparently, Varly's post hates Chelsea Dagger, too. Avs need to do something here. Turn the tide. Tilt the ice. Get the momentum. [Insert some other lame saying here]

I shouldn't have said anything. Hawks now have 39 shots on Varly with almost 7 minutes left in third. Sorry, yo.

Wilson stole the puck from Toews to clear the zone after an icing. But he sucks too.

Malkin to Dutchy to O'Reilly to Malkin to O'Reilly to NET...over the glass.

Man, as much as I hate this team, I do love these games. So fast and loose. (TWHS)

Landy lost his man but Varly said, "I got dis."

I'm not sure I've seen any of the D having a particularly bad game. Benoit hasn't been great, but he's injured, so I'll give him a pass.

Avs got some chances but that son of a bitch puck! Why you don't you just go HOME? That's your HOME! Are you too good for your HOME?

Almost made it out of this game without hearing the phrase "of late." AJ has Blitzkrieg Bop. I have of late.

So this game was either going to come down to the final seconds or overtime (or shootout). Despite some exciting final chances by the Avs, regulation ended 2-2.

Damn, this thing is long. I'm talking about the recap, people. Pull your minds out of the gutter. Aw fuck, who am I kidding? This is MHH. Gutter dwelling can commence.

So graphic and Altiboobs point out the Hawks have not won in OT or the shootout. Guess what's going to happen? At least the Avs got a point, yo. But will they get two, hmmmm?

I hate you Seabrook. Not really. I totally love you. But next time don't do an awesome diving play to stop a beauty of a chance for MacKinnon.

Hejda got caught flat footed and Barrie cut off the clean shot and Varly stopped the puck. Phewsies.

So I think Wilson's problem this season is that he's not confident being physical cuz of injuries and stuffs. Being physical is Wilson's thing, so if he's being hesitant, he's just not gonna be effective. So it's not so much sucking as not playing his game.

Toews went to the box as he needed some extra cash from Benoit. I think Benny did a good job of selling it a bit, but it's a PP for the good guys! 1:26 left in OT. Roy calls time out. Let's DO THIS.

AND BARRIE IS THE OT KING! Another BARRIE BOMB! DRINK!

Perfect pass to Duchene from Hjalmarsson. Duchene slid it across the circles to Barrie. He one timed it HOME. SUCK IT CHICAGO.

My Stars:

1. Varlamov
2. Barrie
3. Holden (he coulda gone second, but I'm a homer)

Next Up:

Thursday at home v. Devils