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Game 11 Recap: The Avs are so bad they only win 5-0.

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The Avs are so bad they only managed to shutout the Islanders and also put in 5 goals.

YES, I CAN HAZ GOALZ!!!!
YES, I CAN HAZ GOALZ!!!!
Chris Humphreys-USA TODAY Sports

Game 11 Recap:

Hello reading peoples.  Question for the night, for all of you.  How bad are the Avs?

Well you don’t get to answer; only I do.  And let you tell me, I am going to answer the hell out of it tonight.  Soooo, let’s get to it.

The Avs are so bad that, well, I am drinking the same as usual, BUT, I am drinking with the overbearing sense of doom hanging over the potential of this game.  That’s bad, bro.

Period 1:

The Avs are so bad that they only started a line of Landeskog, Duchene, and O’Reilly to begin the game with a pairing of "defensemen" of Johnson and Hejda.

The Avs are so bad, that they won the first faceoff but Islanders get the first shot on net. Surprised it didn’t go in.

The Avs are so bad that the Islanders announcer call him "cleesh-ay", not "cleesh." Haha.

The Avs are so bad that the 4th line comes out and gets some good, deep pressure low in the zone.  After a nice pinch by Hejda, Talbot sent the puck went behind the net, Duchene who changed mid shift, found the puck and fed McLeod in front and beats Johnson blocker high. 1-0 Avs.

The Avs are so bad that they immediately let up and found themselves nicely pressured by the Islanders forecheck and cycle.

AVS SUCK TANGENT: Islanders play a very nice east west game.  They focus on spreading on the other team’s neutral zone strategy.

AVS SUCK TANGENT 2: Winchester is not 6’4. Shut up MSG, dumbasses. Read a goddamn roster.

The Avs are so bad that after MacKinnon beat the icing and was tripped, there was no call. Everberg followed with a great shot.

The Avs are so bad that the 4th line, with fewer than 12 left, came out with some nice defensive play and managed to drive into the zone, get a shot and faceoff to bring out the top line.

The Avs are so bad that their 1st line got nice pressure with less than 6 minutes to go, but after a 50/50 pinch by Holden, the Islanders were able to bring it in on a 2 on 1.  Stuart was back and made a ice play to break it up, but the trailer beat Landeskog to the puck, passed back to the winger who whiffed on it.  The Islanders got a brief cycle going but the long-range bomb from the point was grabbed by Varlamov.

AVS SUCK TANGENT 3: I have, also, never lost to the Colorado Avalanche, like Chad Johnson.

The Avs are so bad that they then get called for a delay game as Landeskog batted the rebound out of the arena like a badminton player.

AVS AWFUL PK1: Avs spent the first minute smothering the Islanders.  Johnson and Talbot made a great play to cover Tavares instead of giving him space. The Avs had an amazing PK and the Islanders had nothing going, no shots. McLeod and Talbot had a chance for a 2 on 1 break, but the Avs were interfered with. No call.

The Avs are so bad that I had to say the words "Wow Islanders offense.  Great shift. Huge pressure. All sentence fragments! No syntax! Defense played well, Varly saw everything."

The Avs are so bad that they get called for another penalty.  Delay of game again.  Puck seemed to be rolling.

AVS AWFUL PK2: The Islanders had only 50 seconds or so and had much better pressure.  The best of which ended up with Tavares rippng a host off the crossbar.

Avs Really Shitty System Summary:  The Avs offense was not great.  They didn’t seem to have a lot of pressure; they had some good rushes and found space in the neutral zone, but definitely did not play their best game.  However, one good shift gave them the lead and that is how hockey works.

On the defensive side, they looked good. They kept the Islanders to the outside and limited the Islanders to only 9 shots, a lot of which game on the last power play.

Period 2:

PK 2 (cont.):  The Avs are so bad, they are already losing in shots on net in the 2nd period but oddly, the Avs killed the power play.

The Avs are so bad, that after a dump in, Landeskog went to get it and fell down. Yet, they called a penalty on deHaan.  Islanders' announcers said good call.

AVS AWFUL AVS AWFUL PP1: After Duchene’s unit was unable to get any real pressure the MacKinnon unit came out. They were able to get into the zone a few times but could not set up.  Finally MacKinnon skated the puck in, spun at the boards and got the Avs set up.  As the power play was waning to a close, Holden had the puck on the near blue line.  He fed the puck to O'Reilly at the top of the circle who passed it low in the corner to Landeskog. Landeskog skated out in front since the defenseman was too high and tired to stuff it in. Landeskog 2nd or 3rd or 4th or whatever tap knocked the puck free. The puck squirted out to Johnson coming in who tried to stick handle but the other Johnson (that’s fucking confusing) goal-stick-ed it away.  But he knocked it right to MacKinnon who snuck in by the crease. MacKinnon pulled the puck back to the top of the crease as a pile of players are in the crease.  MacKinnon stickhandles, waits, and rips a wrist shot right by Johnson to end this absurd goalless drought. 2-0 Avs.

The Avs are so bad that their next shift saw the Islanders get shots, but then MacKinnon’s line came out and he looked back. Just. Back. After some nice pressure, Hedja’s shot just hit the post and the mass of humanity in front could not put it past Johnson.

The Avs are so bad that the Avs 4th line followed suit with a brilliant (I mean really shitty or something) shift.  As brilliant as can be for a line with McLeod (who cannot play hockey, only punch faces) and Cliché (who is no better than any random blogger on the internet).  They managed to get some good pressure and the Islander had to ice it.

The Avs are so bad and Roy is such a bad coach that Roy managed to get his 4th line out against Tavares’ line.  Seems like a plan of his since I saw it a few times.  After an icing, Roy kept out his 4th line.  The Avs won the faceoff and started a wonderful cycled. Talbot, McLeod, Cliché, Guenin, and Barrie all had nice movement.  Eventually, Barrie skated low and broke down the island system.  Cliché found the puck behind the net with no one on him.  He moved toward the far corner and tried to center the puck.  However, he’s so bad at hockey that he centered the puck right into Chad Johnson’s back and the puck accidentally rolled into the net for his first goal of the season.  3-0 Avs.

The Avs are so bad that with less than 10 minutes left, MacKinnon's line came out. The puck was dumped into the Islanders’ zone and Iginla was the first to the puck in the near corner. HE fed the puck right into the crease where evidently MacKinnon just happened to decide to race towards and beat all the Islanders.  The pass from Iginla went right to MacKinnon’s stick and he tipped it above the blocker and past Chad Johnson. 4-0 Avs.

The Avs are so bad that as expected they followed the two goals by taking a goaltending interference penalty when Landeskog ran Johnson after a Johnson (fuck these names) shot.

AVS AWFUL PK 3: The Avs kill the first minute with an aggressive PK.  The challenged Tavares every time he had the pick. The next minute was the same of the same. Nothingness.  Like the Avs playoffs hope. PK over.

The Avs are so bad that the next shift with less than 6 minutes to play resulted in MacKinnon almost getting a hat trick opportunity. The Avs do not get hat tricks; they aren’t good enough for that.

Avs Suck Tangent 4: Did the Islanders’ announcer just say the puck was "slammed softly" off the boards? That’s funny because it’s a fucking oxymoron. Ha. I SAID FUCKING HA!

The Avs are so bad that a few shifts later, Hans and Frans Nielsen ripped a shot from the high hashmarks, but Varly flashed that pretty, pretty leather.  With2 minutes and 33 seconds remaining though, the Islanders started getting some good pressure. The Avs tried to change lines but couldn’t complete. Boychuk had a monster of a shot and Anders Lee tilled it on Varly, by Varly smothered it.

The Avs are so bad that with 30 second left, Grabovski drove the net but Holden had to tear him down.  Penalty on the Avs.

AVS AWFUL PK4:  Nothing in the 28 seconds.  Period over.

Avs Really Shitty System Summary: They gave up 17 shots and only put 14 on net.  AND THREE WENT IN!!! Talk about unsustainable scoring effects and shooting potential. Ignore that one goal was from the Avs best player from point blank range; the other was a beautiful feed to that same best player, and another where the Avs forward caught the Islander goalie cheating. Ignoring al those logical reasons why the Avs are super super super super lucky, they played okay.  They managed to get speed on their breakouts in order to let Duchene’s and MacKinnon’s lines get pressure. The Avs defense stepped up into the play and were involved all three 2nd period goals.  The Avs also prevent good shots form the Islanders. Most shots were from the outside and Varly had a clear lane. Aside from those "good" things, the Avs still suck.

Period 3:

Avs Suck Tangent 5: Haha "cleesh-ay."

AVS AWFUL PK4 (cont.): The Islanders got nothing going and the Avs killed it.

The Avs are so bad that the next shift saw something happen and it appeared Landeskog took another fucking penalty. [Editors Note: Bullshit.]

AVS AWFUL PK5: After a nice clear by Johnson, Talbot tried to chase down the puck in the neutral zone and Boychuk had to take a penalty to stop him.

AVS AWFUL 4v4: Duchene and O’Reilly started and kept the puck in the Islanders’ zone but after some nice movement, they couldn’t get it past Johnson.  Iginla and McGinn out next.  AVS AWFUL 4v4 over.

AVS AWFUL PP2:  AVS AWFUL PP over.

The Avs are so bad that the next 4 minutes saw little excitement. There was a lot of back and forth with the Avs getting some pressure but being strong defensively. You could see MacKinnon itching for the hat trick.

The Avs are so bad that evidently with 9:30 left, the Avs did have a shot.  Surprise, fucking surprise.  They suck. Awful Corsi.  Forget score effects. DO NOT EXIST.

The Avs are so bad that they refuse to let me recap anything. I would love to but there isn’t anything.  There was almost 9 minutes of nothing but pure hockey. It was great.  It was clear the Avs were content to sit back.  They played smart defensive hockey and kept the Islanders the outside.

The Avs are so bad that penalties were called.  It was 4v4.

AVS AWFUL 4v4: After some nice movement by the Duchene unit Johnson (the goalie) froze the puck.  Duchene then won the face off cleanly back to the Johnson (the defenseman) who skated the blue line and fired a slap shot far side past Johnson. 5-0 Avs.

The Avs are so bad that with the AVS AWFUL 4v4 still going, Landeskog sprung MacKinnon, as he was tapping his stick (I love that he does this. Anyone who doesn’t get why this is great needs to understand hockey better. We can discuss in the comments) who jetted into the zone looking for the hat trick.  He managed to get in alone but put the backhand high.  Too bad kid.

The Avs are so bad that with 3:16 left, the Avs were called for ANOTHER fucking penalty. Number 6 or something.

AVS AWFUL PK6: There was little to report. PK over. No goals.

The Avs are so bad that and Roy is such a bad coach that with a minute left, Roy sent out MacKinnon hoping for the hat trick and wanted to ensure Varly shutout. No hat trick, but Varly got his hat trick.

Avs Really Shitty System Summary: The Avs played well. Varly had to be good in the 1st but after that there was little to do other than run of the mill saves.  The Avs jumped on their first break to get a lead but the second saw pure dominance. Not so much in pure possession, but when the Islanders had the puck in the Avs zone, they had nowhere to go. There were minutes of zonetime that the Islanders (including Tavares) could only move up and down the boards. Sure that is "possession" but not all possession is the same, in this writer’s opinion.  The Avs managed to use their speed and power play to break MacKinnon open.  After that it was all nice defensive covered.

[Editor’s Note: Could this be any more of a crow-eating game for some MHH commenters? Cliché scores, McLeod scored, Varly pitches a shutout, MacKinnon gets two goals, and Guenin plays well. Ha]

Three Really Bad Whores:

Third Bad Whore: Varlamov.  He earned a start with his shutout.  I think that was one of the easiest shut outs he will have. Yes he had to make 40 saves, but I would say very few were scary.

Second Bad Whore: MacKinnon. He’s back.  Two goals aside, in the 2nd and 3rd he looked like his old self. Finding space, finding speed, looking dangerous.  Get excited Avs fans.

First Bad Whore: Avs defense. There will be an endless debate but those 40 shots were not the same as the Sharks’ 40 shots; I do not believe that all shots are created equal. Argue away. Call me uneducated or archaic or Neanderthalic or Philistinian or unprogressive or thick or whatever you want. The Avs defense was remarkable. They kept the Islanders and especially the Tavares line completely off the board and aside from a few shifts the first, they looked meaningless. The Avs defense had very few miscues and did a great job keeping the puck to the corners and boards. Well-done Avs defense, well fucking done.

Next inevitable loss: Saturday against the hurting Blues.