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Game 5 Preview: Avalanche vs Wild

The series is tied 2-2, which it makes sense for the Wild to have done given the fact that the Avalanche skaters have mysteriously vanished.

Avalanche coach Patrick Roy, attempting to explain to the officials that he has never seen these players before
Avalanche coach Patrick Roy, attempting to explain to the officials that he has never seen these players before
Bruce Fedyck-USA TODAY Sports

DENVER---Paranormal investigators from around the country are descending upon the Mile High City hoping to solve the latest mystery: Where did the Colorado Avalanche go?

"An entire NHL team just disappears and nobody even blinks," said Mitchell Squatch, president of the Strange Happenings Investigation Team. SHIT first covered the team as they began Game 3 of their series with the Minnesota Wild. "How could something like this happen?"

Theories abound as to what could have happened to the club and run the gamut from logical to unexplainable, from being held at the airport to being kidnapped by the Corsiatti. CNN for example aired the first public speculation the Avalanche landed in Central Asia with the missing Malaysian Air plane.

"Is it really such a coincidence that right when a catastrophic avalanche kills Sherpa on Everest, the Colorado Avalanche go missing?" said Shawn Face, titular host of CNN's Shawn Face: Meet the Desk.

Some have even wondered whether Colorado secretly smuggled their AHL affiliate Lake Erie Monsters onto the plane with goaltender Semyon Varlamov, as if to find out whether he would notice.

Others, however, are not so quick to jump to conclusions. James Kersey, head of the American Skeptical Society, chided what he called "rumor mongers" in a statement from the Society.

"We at the ASS have yet to see evidence whether the team ever even left DIA. It's irresponsible to make such declarations on so little proof.... We can only imagine the percentage of wild theories being this high is completely unsustainable."

Most perplexed of all are Avalanche fans, who have seen their team go from world beaters to MIA within a single game; however their complaints reached their highest fever pitch when the speculation from SHIT hit the fans.

"What in the fuck happened?" wrote Danny T. "I only caught the end of the third because work…well enough of that what the fuck happened?" Danny's comment echoed his similarly last-name-withholding fellow fan Bob in Boulder's sentiment, "what the fuckety fuck is going on here?"

Organizations like SHIT and ASS hope to be able to answer that question tonight at 9:30pm Eastern. The investigations, which are available to the public for a fee, will be televised on NBC Sports, Altitude, and Fox Sports-North.

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