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Where I refocus my rage-based chi into hyperbole...

Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

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That was Matt Duchene's 13th goal of the season bringing his point total to 23 points in 26 games.  It moved him into 4th in the NHL in goals (to go with his 6th place rank for power play goals).  He scored 11 goals in 14 November games, sprinkled in 9 assists, had six multi-point games in that span, and got some Three Star love (including being named one of the NHL's 3 Stars for November).   Duchene is flying high right now. His putrid 4.3% shooting through November 1st has swung the other way to a mind-boggling 26% beginning with his 2 goal game against the Flames.  That levels his season shooting percentage to 18.8%.

But a vocal contingent of fans wanted to trade him. A 24-year-old, 3rd overall pick in his 7th pro season.  A guy with a 0.75 ppg career to this point. A center on a team that has 2 legitimate top 6 centers in the entire system. Why?  Why?  He's always been a slow starter.  This season was no different.  But magic bean trades were suddenly going to fix this team by sending him away. The plugs and chugs he was dragging up and down the ice didn't matter.  A handful of blind-luck, All-world, and desperation saves didn't matter.  It was all Duchene.   Too many pings.  Too many "soft plays."  Too many spin-o-ramas.  No creativity. blah, blah, blech.

How do you like those fucking apples, haters???  Do they taste like the bitter tears of panic-riddled armchair GM's who DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HOLY HELL THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT?  Because they should.  Those apples should taste like that time you bought a Tim Tebow jersey and proclaimed him a franchise quarterback.  This Avs fanbase is so fucking schizo that they actively campaigned to get rid of one of the only bright spots on the roster for years and now those same fuckwads are lamenting the fact that the front office wasn't able to retain him when he high-tailed it for St. Louis. And this season, with no ROR scapegoat, the jackals turned their sites on the most core guy in the team's core for the last 6 seasons.

Well, you know what? You can't feed Matt Duchene to the fiend that is Gordorgh.

You can however, go fuck yourselves.  Me?  I'm ordering a Duchene jersey.