Pittsburgh Penguins at New York Rangers, Game 1
7:00 Eastern, CBC, NBC Sports, regional broadcasts
The postseason takes a scummier turn with tonight's matchups, starting right here as the President's Cup winners take on the team with as good a record after the trade deadline as juggernauts like Toronto and notPhoenix. Not teams I typically seek out to watch on purpose, so that's all the preview you get. Sorry.
Root for the Penguins if you're a fan of the Star Wars prequels and other institutions of guilty fun collapsing from within.
Root for the Rangers if everything must be handed to you immediately or you will whine until you're traded to them.
Detroit Red Wings at Tampa Bay Lightning, Game 1
7:30 Eastern, CNBC, Sportsnet, regional broadcasts
The night's only good guy welcomes the winged wheel into its home in what is sure to become famous as the Kyle Quincey Series. It's the least interesting series of the East, but it's also home to some dazzling skill to be sure. Also some old men. Some really old men. Some really reall
Root for the Lightning if you thought that Rangers line was pretty good.
Root for the Red Wings if you're a terrible person itching for the Banhamma.
Minnesota Wild at St. Louis Blues, Game 1
9:30 Eastern (which is 8:30 local on a weeknight by the way), NBC Sports, Sportsnet-360, regional broadcasts
There's a South Park episode about this series, I'm sure of it. The team Avs fans hate goes head to head with the team Avs fans can't stand. They both have a history of filth and disappointment, some failures being less epic than others, but success forever elusive. There's some big questions marks here though, such as, will Dubnyk keep it up? or can Allen/Elliott hold the line? or whose knees will Matt Cooke target first and who will Ryan Reaves charge-elbow-board in retalliation?
Root for Bullet Bill.
Winnipeg Jets at Anaheim Ducks, Game 1
10:30 Eastern, CNBC, Sportsnet, regional broadcasts
Finally tonight, we've got a special treat for the insomniacs among us. Noted shitheel team Anaheim welcome noted shitheel team Winnipeg in the middle of the night to finally answer the burning question: What would it look like if two industrial-sized dumpsters with questionable goaltending got in a fight?
Root for the Jets if you're secretly that one fan who can't stop screaming at the other team's best player every game.
Root for the Ducks if you secretly hired that one fan to walk around screaming at you every day.