The Avalanche entered tonight's game under the delusion that the playoffs were still a possibility. As such, I decided a drinking game was in order if I hoped to get through this game.
One drink for any of the following Altitude moments:
Mark Rycroft mentions peanut butter, good stuff, or mama's shelf
Mike Haynes calls a guy on the ice by the wrong name
Kyle Keefe makes a corny comment
Peter McNab says, "...this Colorado Avalanche club." Just kidding. I don't want to end up in the hospital.
One drink for any of the following on-ice moments:
Nate Guenin gets away with a penalty
Matt Duchene hits a post
Joey Hishon loses a face off
Corey Perry cheap shots someone
A goal is waved off
Avs score a goal
Every shot against the Avs above 40
Brad Stuart blows a defensive assignment that leads to a goal against
Avs get an empty net goal
Chug for any of the following unicorn moments:
Alex Tanguay takes the shot instead of the pass and scores
Avs score on the power play
Chug for any of the following HELL YEAH moments:
Joey Hishon gets his first goal
Someone gets a hat trick
Reto Berra gets a shut out
Period Numero Uno
Five minutes in and no one has done anything deserving of a drink? C'mon, dudes! I'm thirsty.
Woohoo! Goal waved off. Drink! Freddie Hamilton got a nice little goal, but Jordan Caron had apparently set himself up in the blue paint too much and it was waived off. How often is that ever called? Oh well, I got a drink out of it.
Hishon lost a face off! Drink. I was quite disappointed earlier because he won the first face off, which led to the Hamilton pseudo goal.
John Mitchell fired a bullet into the back of the net for a goal from Duchene and Jarome Iginla. Drink!
Stuart lost his man and the Ducks scored. Drink!
Nate Guenin with an uncalled half hold. Half a drink!
Duchene was majorly crosschecked into the boards, but it wasn't Perry, so no drinks.
Oooh Hishon getting some PP time on the first unit! Looked good out there, too. That deserves a drink and a toast.
Oh look. Avs didn't score. No chug-a-lug for this pooh-bear.
Does Perry making the Avs look like a scrub team count as a cheap shot? It ended in a goal for the Ducks. I'm going with yes. Drink!
Oh, and there goes the Berra shut out beer chug.
Jan Hejda got away with a trip, but then the Avs had too many men on the ice and got a penalty anyway. Good thing I'm not drinking for refs missing shit and making up for it with dumb calls.
Period one final score: 2-1 Ducks.
(I should have done drinks for technical difficulties for Altitude. I'd be on the floor by now. Get it together, dudes.)
Wait, is Keefer not in the studio tonight? That sucks. I'll pretend he said something corny and drink anyway.
No Mark Rycroft yet either.
No drinks. Screw it. I'm going to drink anyway.
Period Nomer Dva
My sock has multiple holes in it. I believe this is the same sock I pulled out of Howler's mouth while prepping the laundry earlier. Drink!
7 minutes into the 2nd and this game is putting me to sleep. Drink! (I have to do something to stay awake.)
Hand pass. Drink! (What? I'm feeling parched and thus reserve the right to change the rules mid-game.)
Another ugly cross-check by the Ducks, this time on Landy, but again it wasn't Perry who committed the infraction. Maybe I should have opened up the cheap shot rule to the entire team. No drinks.
More Hishon goodness on the PP with a pretty little pass to Duchene. Drink!
Oh look. McLeod got into a fight. Who would have ever guessed that would happen. HOWEVER, while the third guy in had McLeod's arms tied up, Perry got some shots in. Therefore,
Again, good thing we're not drinking for refs being dumbasses. Third man in, dudes.
Final shake up (down?) was a bunch of roughing penalties that gave the Avs another PP. I'm thirsty, Avs. Hint hint.
DAMN IT! If Hishon had scored, I woulda been well on my way to sloppy.
Duchene got mauled behind the net, so the Avs went on another PP and guess what happened?!? CHUG-A-LUG, BEACHIE! Cheers, Landy! Tangs and Barrie with the assists, which gives Barrie his 50th point on the season. My goddess, can I pick 'em or what?
End of two and tied at two. That deserves a drink, right?
Did Haynes screw up any names? I am so used to tuning out those dudes that I can't even remember.
Seriously, I should have done a "technical difficulties" rule. This intermission was totally undrinkworthy otherwise. I made up a new word. Drink!
Period Nummer Tre
Oh shiiiiiit. Stuart had some seriously legit defense going on right there. I think I might have to drink for that.
Avs on PK. Prime opportunity for another Stuart-inspired drink.
Hishon lost a face off. Drink!
Wait, why is Hishon on the PK? Verrrry interesting, Mr. Roy.
Guenin tripped a guy, like TOTALLY tripped a guy, no call. Drink!
Breakaway goal for Duchene! That was pretty. Speed. Hands. Finish. Gotta lift the glass for the Dutch man.
Howler's barking at some nonexistent danger outside. Drink!
Hishon getting kicked off the dot counts as a face off loss sort of right? Why the hell not. Drink!
I think the dog gif war the Avalanche and Ducks twitter people had going was more interesting than this game. Or maybe my attention span is only good for a gif amount of time.
Penalty on the Avs. It's Stuart. Kneeing. It happened cuz he lost position. If the Ducks score on the PP, I drink.
With the clock winding down, Ducks pulled Gibson. Everberg got the empty net! Drink!
Ryker said top shelf, mama and the good stuff. Three drinks!
MHH Three Stars
1. Angry Orchard
2. Avalanche and Ducks twitter feeds
3. Tyson Barrie & Matt Duchene
Defending Stanley Cup champs in LA tomorrow. Avs can make Frozen Fury super duper fun if they help out with the "STOP THE KINGS FROM MAKING THE PLAYOFFS" campaign.