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Game Recap: Avalanche Fall 6-1 To Sharks

John Hefti-USA TODAY Sports

Hi, welcome to the SAP Center Tavern! What can I pour for you?" The barkeep is an older fellow, dressed in a traditional white oxford shirt and bow tie. He looks like a veteran of the profession, a man who would know some pretty obscure drinks. "I would like a Worst-Case Scenario Hockey Game, please," you say reaching toward your pocket for your ID and a $20 bill.

"A Worst-Case Scenario Hockey Game, huh? I've heard of a lot of cocktails, but that's not one I've come across. Can you tell me what's in it?" You nod your head and begin rambling off the ingredients.

  • In a julip strainer:
  • 1 oz. "Starting Goaltender Stuck at Home In a Civil Trial"
  • 1/2 oz. "Backup Goaltender Still Injured From Kicking a Soccer Ball in the Hallway"
  • 2 oz. "3rd-String Goaltender Plus Four Other Skaters Relegated to Hotel All Day With The Flu"
  • A dash of "4th-String Goalie Flying All Night To Make NHL Debut as Backup"
  • A shake of "Listless Breakout Play"
  • 1 oz. "Reeling From Improbable Win Against Dallas on Saturday"
  • 1/2 oz. "Take Multiple Stupid Penalties to Give a Smart Veteran Team Power Plays"
  • Rinse a large Collins glass with "Last Two Games Before All-Star Break"
  • Hand-chisel ice into glass
  • Pour strainer concoction into glass
  • Garnish with lemon twist and "California Road Trip"
The bartender, amused by your request, whips the drink up with impressive efficiency and places it in front of you on a napkin. You hold the drink up to your nose and breathe in the aroma. "Ah," you think to yourself. "This will be a fine way to enjoy my evening." You take a long slow drink, trying to savor the various flavors of the fine ingredients...

...AND PUKE EVERYWHERE. THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY DEGREES OF NON-STOP DIGESTIVE UPHEAVAL! It's everywhere -- all over the bartender, the patrons, and the beautiful old wooden bar. You try to stop BUT YOU CAN...NOT...STOP...VOMITING!!!

*  *  *

So, yeah. That's was pretty much what this hockey game was like. Usually I try and write a pretty standard recap, highlighting great plays and goal scoring, but I can't bring myself to do it tonight. If you want to see a bunch of pucks sail past a beleaguered Calvin Pickard, who was leaning face-down against cross-bar during breaks in play, then head on over to the official boxscore for some video replays.

San Jose just handled this team. And unlike Saturday, when the Stars took a gajillion shots and managed to score just once, tonight the Avs actually came out ahead in the whole shot attempt thing. 39-34 5-on-5 and 57-46 in all situations. So, how is the Sharks score five goals tonight (5!) when the Stars had 50 more shot attempts. Beats the hell out of me.

Colorado didn't quit, though. In fact, they kept the game interesting well after the game was out-of-hand by pulling the goalie during opportune times in the 2nd and 3rd Periods. They would fail to score on these aggressive plays (and eventually yield an empty net goal), but they would ruin Martin Jones' shutout with a gorgeous Nathan MacKinnon one-timer. If you just watch this play and nothing else, I promise your evening will be much more pleasant.

Oh, and the Avs, not satisfied with a mere four-goal loss, decided to give up another power play score with less than a minute left. Congrats, Roman Will on your first period of NHL hockey. Sorry it had to be that one.

Colorado will travel down the Pacific Coast to Los Angeles to play the Kings tomorrow. Let's hope they're feeling better.