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The Colorado Avalanche Did Not Beat the Minnesota Wild

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The one good thing about Colorado's season before tonight (not losing to Minnesota) is now a thing of the past.

Brace Hemmelgarn-USA TODAY Sports

1st Period: Complete domination by the Wild. Somehow they only netted one goal despite their vast success. Colorado, unsurprisingly, did not score at all. Charley Coyle, Minnesota's leading goal-scorer got the credit for the tally on the power play. A shot from the point by Matt Dumba led to a rebound, Eric Staal got a stick on it, and then Coyle tucked it away. About the only good thing an Avalanche player did was in the form of a beautiful save by Semyon Varlamov in the first two minutes of the game.

2nd Period: There wasn't a lot to talk about on a positive note in this period either. Wild captain Mikko Koivu got the Wild's second of the night and his personal eighth of the season after Matt Dumba took a nice pass from Mikael Granlund at the blue line and skated right past a few Avs on his way to the goal crease where he fed Koivu the puck with a wide open net to shoot at.

3rd Period: In the least surprising news you'll get all day, Colorado didn't score this period, resulting in their seventh shutout of the year. Slightly more surprising news, the Wild didn't score. Irrelevant because two goals from Minnesota the prior two periods gives them two goals on the night, which is greater than Colorado's zero, meaning the Wild pick up two points from tonight's game while the Avalanche get none.

Here's something new for tonight's recap because nothing else matters and watching the Avalanche makes me wish I was dead.

Adjectives That Start With "F" to Describe the Performance of Every Avalanche Player:

Semyon Varlamov: First.

Tyson Barrie: Flustered.

John Mitchell: Foxy.

Joe Colborne: Fractious.

Matt Duchene: Fit.

Jarome Iginla: Farcical.

Blake Comeau: Frowzy.

Nikita Zadorov: Fresh.

Cody Golubef: Flabby.

Rene Bourque: Flourishing.

Mikhail Grigorenko: Flawed.

Patrick Wiercioch: Falling.

Nathan MacKinnon: Flashy.

Francois Beauchemin: Foolhardy.

Carl Soderberg: Faineant.

Eric Gelinas: Foolish.

Fedor Tyutin: Faulty.

Cody McLeod: Frowzled.

Gabe Landeskog: Ferocious.

Mikko Rantanen: Finnish.

The only question I have is at what point does Sakic finally get tired of this and start blowing it all up to shreds?