MHH Ultimate Uniform Rankings: 79-71

Hi! Thanks for stopping by. When contemplating what I wanted my latest series of silly articles on this site to entail, I figured what better topic than uniforms? Everyone looks at them and subconsciously makes some sort of judgement about them. Uniform rankings in the NHL have been debated for centuries and were the cause of World War II, but this series of articles will display my undoubtedly correct rankings of every uniform every NHL team currently wears.

Lots of uniform rankings do it by team and rank everything 1 through 30. I don't like that because every uniform is uniquely different. Some colors work better than others on the same shirt. When crafting these rankings, I used NHL 17's jersey showcase. If according to that game the team has an alternate jersey, I included it. If the team doesn't, they only show up twice. Final reminder: you're not allowed to disagree. These are all placed exactly where they should be.

BEGIN!

#79: Anaheim Ducks' alternate jersey:

Anaheim has come across a conflict of identity in recent years. Almost every three years they're bound to make some sort of uniform adjustment whether it's change the primary logo, change the color scheme, change the pattern... this uniform encompasses all that chaos and wreaks of badness. That logo was cool in the late 90s and early 00s. It's been gone for a while now, and last year the Ducks were like, "You know, that thing is pretty badass, let's bring it back!" Good idea! But don't put it on top of orange, black, and baby puke. Anaheim deciding they need to use more orange since they're in Orange County was a novel idea, except the team name does not reflect orange. Nothing about a duck makes you think orange. If a duck is orange, it's probably got radiation poisoning or not from this planet.

#78: St. Louis Blues' alternate jersey:

Fore one thing, the Blues are a team that don't need an alternate jersey. Their home uniforms are recognizable enough and so classic that they don't get tiresome. What bothers me more than anything here with this sweater is the annoying insistence of white. White doesn't show up anywhere in the home uniforms, but it's shoved in your face all over the place here next to a really dark blue and unflattering yellow. The Blue logo doesn't need to be involved in that emblem either. An alternate uniform with just the arch without the circle emblem would be pretty cool. Yet they fade it out and make it impossible to see when watching a game in real-time.

#77: Carolina Hurricanes' home jersey:

If the Red Wings' home sweater and the red Team Canada jersey got together and had a baby, this is what it would look like. Seriously though, this is such a blatant ripoff of the two. Particularly the Canada jersey. Look at this thing and tell me how the Canes' jersey is different from that. There's just no originality to what they did here. It's a headache-inducing red too. It looks like five candy canes are flying around the ice when they show this off.

#76: Florida Panthers' away jersey:

At long last we know what it looks like if an NFL jersey was used on a hockey rink. The numbers being above the alternate logo is dumb. It's commonly known as a shoulder patch logo for a reason. It's not a bicep logo. And how dare they get rid of this logo. That was one of the coolest symbols in all of sports and they got rid of it like it was old garbage. The logo being on top of a jersey-wide stripe is a nice ripoff from your division rivals in Montreal, by the way.

#75: Colorado Avalanche's away jersey:

:ducks head:

Never been a fan of these ever since the Avs did their jersey makeover ten-some years ago. All of us have opinions on piping. Black being a thing has always confused me from the Avs' inception. There is no black anywhere in an avalanche. In fact, it is the exact opposite color of an avalanche. So why the numbers and shorts are black is something I do not understand or agree with. If I was in charge, the numbers would be burgundy and the shorts are blue. Oh, and the piping would be gone, of course.

#74: Pittsburgh Penguins' away jersey:

Here's the thing: the Penguins' new home jerseys are better than what been their home jerseys. I'm fine with that move. But these are a disgrace. The away jerseys they had been rocking are far superior to this. I am not a fan of the sudden, unwarned changes from yellow to white to black that take place everywhere from head to toe. I don't mind it on the home jerseys since it's with only two colors and there's no white to be found there. But these. Ugh. Get rid of them, Pittsburgh.

#73: Buffalo Sabres' home jersey:

If you can see that faint white stripe along the side of the jerseys, you're looking at what ruins this look for me. It's a classic look, that blue and yellow. And someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe Buffalo implemented numbers on the front of the jerseys before San Jose did, which means they were incorrect when they chose to do that. I don't see the point of it. Basically though, until the Sabres go back to wearing these, I'll never be able to truly accept these (unless they get rid of that stupid white stripe).

#72: Anaheim Ducks' away jersey:

I touched on my hatred for the Ducks' insistence to use orange now because of their county name, and these also reflect how poor of a decision that was. There's nothing aesthetically pleasing about any of this. Its only good use would be fire-making material.

#71: Florida Panthers' home jersey:

Everything I said about the away jersey can be copy and pasted right here. It's just not that appealing. The old panther was way more fear-inducing too. Look at it. It scares you. You forget Jaromir Jagr and his greatness is happy as a clam. Because instead you wanted to pee your pants. Now this panther makes you go "Okay it's a frekaing cat where's its litter box?"

Stay tuned for #70-61 to come out tomorrow!